With so many Myers Briggs personality types and individual variations, it’s easy to find someone you connect with… and someone you’d rather never see again for as long as you live. Let’s be real; sometimes we just meet a person who we do not understand. I know there are tons of people in my own life who I have met or heard about and thought, “WTH? I just don’t get why they do what they do or say what they say. What’s their deal?”
To many people, INFJs are one of these groups. INFJs are introverted, intuitive, feeling, and judging. They are a generally rare breed, which means you won’t run into many INFJs compared to the more common personality types.
INFJs tend to be misunderstood a lot in their lives, especially by personality types that don’t mesh much with them, like ESTPs, ISTPs, and ENFJs. This doesn’t mean that these groups can’t be friends or get along, but other personality types will need to be patient and try to understand an INFJ before a friendship can blossom.
Check out: Why are INFJ, ENTJ, INTJ, ENFJ, and ENTP so rare?
You may be wondering why people never understand INFJs. Sure, they’re rare, but so are four-leaf clovers and people have no issues understanding them! Well, there’s more to INFJs than meets the eye.
Before we talk about why you just don’t get that INFJ in your life, we need to dig into what makes us understand others in the first place. As an adult, you don’t just become good pals with someone because they dress nice or like the same musician as you do; it’s much deeper than that. At least, it should be.
Psychologically, we are drawn to people who are similar to us. Being as INFJs are rare, this puts them at an immediate disadvantage. If you’re an ISFJ, for example, you have almost 14% of the population who are also ISFJ and will instantly connect with you to some degree. INFJs, on the other hand, make up less than 2% of the population. That’s a tiny sliver to try and find!
Another part of friendships is shared experiences. If I love adventure and you love napping, we may not have the same track record or plans for the future, leaving us with little to talk about and even less to build a friendship on. It’s possible, but not likely. INFJs tend to be interested in altruism and making the world a better place. This is a lovely idea but let’s be real again; most of us are looking out for our own happiness, not the happiness of others. And, to clarify, there’s nothing wrong with that; I do it, you do it, we all do it, but it doesn’t make it easy for us to understand why an INFJ would spend so much of their time trying to better someone else’s. Their golden standards may even make others feel like they’re trying to be better than everyone else. It’s definitely not an INFJ’s intention, but it doesn’t help when it comes to connecting with others.
Another big barrier that blocks us from understanding INFJs is how reserved and private they are. They would make great famous people because they won’t be letting anyone in their business. They’re like those mysterious neighbors that live behind huge hedges, have super tinted car windows, and only say, “I’m great, thanks, how are you?” and no other response when you ask about their life. The thing is, it’s not that they’re antisocial or closed off; they’re just reserved. I mean, can you blame them? When you’re so different from most people, it makes it tough to open up from the get-go out of fear of being judged.
To add to the barrier list, INFJs are sensitive people with high standards. If you’re trying to get romantic with an INFJ, it may feel like a lot of pressure to meet their expectations in a relationship. You may feel that things need to be more easygoing whereas they have rigid wants and needs that they expect to be met. Not to mention that they’ll take it to heart if you miss the mark. This makes tiffs and misunderstandings likely with their partners, even though INFJs will do everything they can to fix the situation thereafter. Their emotions have their good and bad since they’ll work hard to make their partner happy, but you’ll need to understand them first to get to that point.
Check out: The most attractive thing about you based on your Myers Briggs personality
The final aspect of INFJs that makes it difficult for others to understand them is their extreme reliance on intuition. INFJs are talented in that they understand themselves enough to sense their gut feelings and use them to make wise decisions. Not all of us can say the same; I know for me, it’s taken a lot of trial and error to finally get to the point where I can sense my intuition, trust it, and go with it. INFJs are luckier than I am because they get to this point much more quickly without being impulsive. This leaves others scratching their heads at their decisions.
That INFJ didn’t want to be friends with so and so? Why though? They didn’t take that job? It’s an amazing offer! Why wouldn’t they?
Situations like this happen often when INFJs go with their intuition and leave others with a scrunched-eyebrow confused look on their face.
It’s hard to understand something you aren’t familiar with. If you can’t relate, it’s tough to connect to. While there are plenty of reasons why people never understand INFJs, we can get to a point of understanding by being patient and growing our relationship with someone of this personality type. Ask them about their thought process, try to connect on moral grounds, and respect their privacy and secrets until they let you in on their own terms. If you’ve been able to connect with an INFJ or are an INFJ yourself, let us know what INFJs need in a friendship in the comments!