There’s nothing quite as sour as being wronged. Whether someone lied to you, disappointed you, or hurt you on purpose, it sucks. It’s normal to get upset or mad over it. Heck, it’s even normal to feel like that for a while… but when does a while become a grudge?
Holding a grudge is the act of harboring resentment or bitterness over a past wrongdoing. Harboring feelings is when you keep those feelings alive without addressing or resolving them. So, your hatred or anger is normal, until you fuel it to keep it going instead of encouraging it to go bye-bye. You know when you keep talking about that past wrong weeks and months after it’s done? Yeah, that.
Holding a grudge is supposed to be about showing the other person that they did wrong and that they don’t deserve forgiveness, but it does very little harm to the other person and more to you. Here are four big reasons why holding a grudge is holding you back from your own success.
1. Holding a grudge poisons your body.
Holding a grudge may temporarily feel like you’re winning, but it will chip away at your basic foundation – your health! While you may not like to hear it, I’m here to tell you that holding a grudge is equivalent to having chronic anger and resentment. After all, if you really didn’t care anymore about that person or what happened, you wouldn’t be making present decisions based on past hurt. So, let’s get brutally honest. Being chronically angry and resentful is connected to a physical, prolonged stress response. And what happens when our bodies undergo a stress response that should have just been for one day but lasts months or even years? You poison your body, weakening your immune system and contributing to higher blood pressure, heart problems, and even digestive issues. So, while it may feel satisfying at the moment to hold onto anger, it’s ultimately detrimental to your well-being in the long run.
Check out: How to love yourself and be confident
2. Holding a grudge chips away at your mental health, too.
Holding a grudge may sneakily affect your body, but it pretty obviously affects your brain and mental health. That’s because studies have shown that this type of anger and unforgiveness can lead to increased feelings of anxiety and depression, and even to the development of unhealthy coping mechanisms like using drugs or alcohol to mask your unpleasant feelings around what happened. If you’re holding a grudge, you have to remember why you’re doing so. That means every time that person appears or is mentioned, your brain replays the negative instance and feelings that caused you to separate from them in the first place. Talk about a replay that benefits no one!
3. Forgiveness is the super-powered multi-vitamin you didn’t know you needed.
In case it wasn’t obvious, the opposite of holding a grudge is forgiveness. You may be thinking, “There is no way on earth I will forgive this person. They don’t deserve forgiveness. You have no idea what they did to me!” This might be true. I will stop to acknowledge that some people go through really traumatic and hurtful things. I mean some deep wounds. If that’s you, it may take some therapy and a long time to truly be able to forgive and move on, and that’s ok. But for those who are harboring anger towards someone for wrongful yet petty situations, this is for you. If someone lied to you, cheated you or cheated on you, stole from you, owes you money, or was simply sour to you for no good reason, you’re chasing a temporary yet hurtful high from a grudge when you truly need the super-power of forgiveness. It isn’t about letting the other person off the hook or condoning their actions – it’s about YOU growing and being better. In fact, it’s about being better than that other person! According to Piedmont Healthcare, forgiveness frees up your mental space and releases the weight of negative emotions, giving you the possibility of growing your emotional resilience. To learn more about this, check out another video we made called “What the Heck Is Emotional Intelligence?”
Back to forgiveness. Forgiveness makes you a better partner, friend, co-worker, and overall person! Emotional well-being is directly correlated to mental well-being and physical well-being, and to be the best version of yourself you’ll need all three to work together.
4. You’re giving too much energy to a person you want to ignore.
If you’re not convinced by improved health, mental peace, or being the most awesome version of yourself, I have one more point to win you over. You don’t like this other person. This other person did something sucky. So, are you seriously going to give them the time, effort, and energy that a grudge requires? A grudge means continuous mental and emotional energy to remember the wrong and prove that you aren’t involved with that person… except it’s kind of a catch-22 because you are so involved that you can’t let the situation go. You are tethered to negative emotions, which distract you from the positive experiences and opportunities that might come your way otherwise. When you hold a grudge against someone, that person holds power over you. If you instead forgive and move on, you can choose to never interact with that person again, but do so in peace and with no hard feelings. There is a big difference.
Conclusion:
Holding a grudge feels justified in the moment, but it does more harm than good, and that harm doesn’t hurt the other person in the way you wish it would. Stop hurting yourself and prove your point the right way – by showing that other guy or girl that you are the bigger person who can forgive and either reconnect or move on. Reclaim your happiness and well-being today – I know you can do it!