Why Guys Act Distant When They Like You

Why Guys Act Distant When They Like You

Did you know that the average person meets more than 10,000 people in their lifetime? That’s a heck of a lot of potential boyfriends if only 1% of that are potential material. Now, I’m not saying you could or should date anyone that you meet, but chances are that you will meet more than a few people in those 10,000 who will definitely be interested in you. On some occasions the attraction is intense and instant – we call that the “spark” or “chemistry”. Other times you gradually build a friendship with that person until you realize that there is definitely the prospective for a budding romance. Unfortunately, sometimes this realization is followed by a confusing curve-ball. The guy you swore he was into you is now acting all weird and far off. His tone has changed and he isn’t speaking to you as much as before. Last time you checked, you were still the same person he was attracted to a few days ago, so why the sudden shift? A lot of things might be going on through your potential-future-lover’s mind, so let’s explore these 10 options and see why guys act distant when they like you.

1. He assumes you have a boyfriend.

Often times, guys can be simple and just think one way. A guy who likes you may start to act distant simply because he thinks you are unavailable. This might be from a quick look at your social media pics, or from a comment you made about a guy-friend you often hangout with. A ton of things might trigger this thought, but the end is the same; the guy just gives up. On the bright side, this shows that he respects your choice in a partner. He isn’t trying to be a homewrecker or to confuse you. If you think this might be the case with your guy, try bringing up a conversation about how you are tired of being single. This is a clear-cut way to make it known that you are single and ready to mingle if he’s interested too. This element is one of the most common reason why guys act dist

2. He’s afraid you’ll reject him.

The fear of rejection is something that we all have on the inside. It’s the fear we had when starting at a new school, while presenting in front of a panel of our colleagues at work, or when sending in that application to that competitive program. No one likes being denied, especially when it has to do with how we are as a person. A guy’s ego can sometimes be a delicate thing. Maybe that’s why many are so good at cracking jokes and not so great at articulating their feelings. If you sense a spark with a guy who suddenly becomes distant, he may need you to reach out to guarantee that you also like him. This will give him the certainty he needs to put himself out there without fearing that you’ll crush his hopes like a bug under your shoe.

Check out: When a guy ignores you but likes you

3. He’s not over his ex.

Ah, the ever-present ex. Breakups can be rough and can leave you with your fair share of damage. We’ve all been there or know someone who has. If your gut instinct tells you that this guy is into you, but he just isn’t making any moves out of the friend-zone territory, then he might just have a ball and chain that’s keeping him distant. Does he have a recent relationship that went sour? This guy might have unresolved feelings for his ex. In fact, his ex may even still be in contact with him. Uh oh. This is something you want to avoid at all costs. Getting involved with this guy is like starting a relationship where you are automatically placed second. This brings the risk that you could be dumped for that ex at any given time. The safest bet is for YOU to ensure that you stay in the friend-zone. This will allow you to observe this guy and his progress away (or towards) his ex, until you are sure that he only has one focus, that is YOU.

4. He’s an introvert or a shy guy.

An introvert isn’t going to be the center of attention, and they’re happy with that. This guy may prefer to speak to you through texts or online. Then, when you finally are face-to-face, he seems uninterested or distant. Suddenly you’re back home and he’s messaging you again with full confidence and being flirty. He doesn’t want all eyes on him and he absolutely will get super-nervous if YOUR eyes are on him. He likes you, so the nervousness increases times ten when he’s around you. In a catch-22, shy people can be some of the most extroverted people when they are around friends they truly trust. It will take this guy a bit to warm up to you, but you can continue to build your friendship with some space until he becomes more comfortable around you. This one is also a common sign of why guys act distant when they like you.

Check out: How do shy guys act when they like you

5. He still wants to play the field.

This scenario is like fishing; the guy is the fisherman, and you’re the little fish chasing the bait on the line. You think you’re so close to snatching this perfect guy, but suddenly you don’t see him – the bait – anymore. That’s because he saw a different fish on the other side of the boat and is now trying to catch that one. Someone give this guy a net because he wants all of the fish in the sea. If you’re doubtful that this guy only has eyes for you, be careful. He could be a player in disguise. A common red flag is that he bails on plans last minute, and he is generally unreliable. This is a guy who may like more than one girl at a time and constantly wants to keep his options open. While he may want a relationship, he isn’t going to settle for one until he’s had a taste of all the possibilities.

6. He’s playing hard to get.

Some guys have watched too many reality TV shows and think that love is truly a game. This could be immaturity or, sadly, just the way he is. If your guy is telling you everything you want to hear and openly flirting with you, but then has waves of being distant, he’s playing hard to get. There is a strange mental phenomenon which states that we are more interested in the pursuit of things than our interest in those actual things. Have you ever been really excited to buy something, but after you have it for a few weeks it just becomes another thing in your room? This guy is basically feeding your thrill-of-the-chase. He knows you want him and he doesn’t want you to lose interest if he’s too predictable, or if you have him around for too long. Even for us avid shoppers, this concept eventually gets old. Have a conversation with the guy and let him know that you aren’t going to be waiting around forever to solidify your feelings for each other.

7. He has baggage from past relationships.

In the same way that getting over an ex can be difficult, some people have an even harder time getting over the mindset of what their past relationships left them with. This could include a feeling of low self-worth, distrust in partners, or an expectation that things are bound to go south. All of these perspectives can become instinctive to the guy, and cause him to actively distance himself from people who may get too close. It is going to take a lot of work to rewire his thinking. If you are up for the challenge, you have to start by taking things very slow with him. First ensuring that you gain his trust as a close friend. Only then can you start to talk about the sensitive topics that are keeping him from forming a serious relationship. This might be a long road, but it also has the possibility of being extremely rewarding if you two are a good fit for each other. But that’s up to you.

8. He lacks confidence.

This guy who likes you may show diehard interest in building a relationship with you. He thinks you’re the best thing since sliced bread, shares your interests, and describes you as the girl of his dreams. Just when you think you’ll finally have a boyfriend – bam – he pulls back and becomes distant. The reason for this is a simple lack of confidence. While confidence is typically associated with self-esteem, in this case, it could be anything from a lack of experience to an absence of dating in general. He genuinely might not know how to go about the next steps of building a romantic relationship. In this situation, your guy needs a little nudge. Drop some subtle hints about the direction you hope your friendship is headed to, and gauge his reaction. This guy may just need a little guidance. 

9. He’s not looking for a relationship right now.

In a sad truth of today’s world, timing really is everything. One minute could be the difference between two different life paths. If your guy has pulled away and remains distant no matter how or what you try, for now, we have to accept that he’s simply not looking for a relationship. The imaginable reasons are plentiful; his schedule, outlooks, family dynamics, mental health, etcetera. The bottom line is that it just isn’t the right time for him. You will be doing yourself a favor by accepting the distance and placing space between the two of you. Getting a boyfriend or girlfriend before you’re ready is condemning that very relationship. It’s not to say that you two will never reconnect or that he will be single forever. You just need to respect where he is for now and maintain your distance. That could be a reason why guys act distant.

Check out: 5 Signs he’s not into you

10. He’s scared of how much he likes you.

The most hopeful and promising reason why a guy who likes you may become distant, is simply because you’re amazing! You two seem to click in a unique way, like finding a diamond buried in rocks. He realizes that this connection is special and one-of-a-kind. Such an intense feeling can make any strong guy get nervous. What if this is the real deal? What if this is his once in a lifetime shot? This guy can quickly get into his own head by overthinking these passionate feelings. Reassure him that you are feeling the same way. By verbalizing the same emotions, you can both move forward together without doubts. This has the potential to be exceptional!

Check out more signs he likes you: 15 Signs he likes you more than a friend

Conclusion:

As you all can see, there are a lot of reasons why guys act distant when they like you. While these range from exes to self-centricity to blushing embarrassment, there are clues each guy gives you to help figure out why he’s acting the way he is. Pay close attention to his physical behaviors if you have a chance to meet in person. If he’s distant in his communication, ask clear-cut questions to gauge what he’s thinking about you. Sometimes giving the guy a few days without reaching out will even prompt him to spring back into action. If he truly likes you, he won’t want to lose you, so any effort you put in will not go to waste. If he decided against trying to date you, well, his loss. Sometimes they’ll come back, and by then you might have found someone else who deserves you more and willing to put in the effort. Then again, that’s up to you. So there you have it 10 reasons why guys act distant when they like you.