They lied to you. Straight to your face or via text or to someone else – whatever – the bottom line is that they lied, and you feel betrayed. The lie wasn’t necessary, and it didn’t even serve a purpose. I mean, why do people lie for no reason? What could possibly be the point?
Let’s pause here because we are missing something. The truth is that there is always a reason for a lie. Always – even if the liar can’t identify it. Here are 9 reasons people lie for apparently no reason.
1. They’re avoiding something.
Everything we do is motivated by avoiding or gaining something – think about it. We go out for fun, we pick up fast food to avoid cooking, we scroll on our phones to procrastinate cleaning, and we exercise for health or a slim trim. One of the biggest reasons people lie is to avoid something – usually a fight, judgment, or another loss like friendship or romance.
When a friend lies and says she likes your outfit when it is, in fact, quite hideous, she probably wanted to avoid hurting your feelings. When that girl lied about liking someone else, she wanted to avoid losing her fun and her boyfriend.
By the way, if you think you’re experiencing lies related to cheating, check out another video that could help called, “15 Cheating Guilt Signs.”
Sometimes, the avoidance is understandable. Other times, not so much.
2. They want to gain something.
On the other end, we have the gain. That sexy stud at the bar lied about how great he was in the hopes of scoring. When your sister said she was literally broke even though she had $100 in her account, she wanted to gain sympathy and a few extra dollars to spend.
The only thing I’m trying to gain here is your trust. If this channel has helped you out, please show it by clicking subscribe to keep us going. You know I appreciate you!
3. They are projecting past experiences onto you.
Whether you’re dealing with a ten-year-old or a fifty-year-old, we all have a past that molds us. If you grew up with strict punishment every time you came home late, you may lie to your future partner or roommate about your arrival time because you subconsciously think that they will treat you the same way. The same goes for relationships – and very often.
If you were previously with someone who was emotionally manipulative, controlling, or abusive, you may lie to your current, kind partner just because you expect the same sort of behavior from them. Remember – these are reasons, but not excuses. It’s up to each of us to recognize our baggage and work on it.
4. He/she is a pathological liar.
It’s important not to throw this phrase around without being sure it’s the case. A pathological liar lies compulsively, often without a clear motive or benefit. This behavior occurs repeatedly, even about the non-important stuff where lying is completely unnecessary. The pattern is consistent over time and impacts all aspects of the person’s life. This is often associated with mental health conditions, such as personality disorders, and requires professional help to tackle.
Have you ever had the unfortunate experience of meeting a true pathological liar? If so, please share their craziest lie in the comments! I’m dying to hear it.
Check out: 6 Types of Liars
5. They’re insecure about the truth.
Sometimes the truth is ugly, vulnerable, or embarrassing. This could get deep, but let’s use an everyday example. You smell a fart. You know it’s a fart, and you know it’s James who farted because you are the only two in the room and you did not fart. James denies it to his grave. There is no way he is going to admit he farted. He even swears on his new car. Why? Well, James is embarrassed and insecure about his problem with passing gas. It is what it is.
6. They fear conflict.
Most people are nonconfrontational, but not everyone knows they are nonconfrontational. If someone isn’t self-reflective, they will do things without having a “why.” Maybe they think you’ll be upset even if you won’t be – or maybe they know you well and you will be upset – but either way, they don’t want any problems and they’ll lie for it.
7. They want to protect someone’s feelings.
Sometimes the little white lies come out inadvertently because we have someone else’s feelings in mind. My friend Sara is one of the most empathetic souls I know, and while she is honest, she has this habit of white-lying to spare the other person’s feelings – if even the other person is totally strong enough to hear her out bluntly. She means well, but a lie is still a lie.
8. They’re looking for attention or validation.
The more immature a person is, the more they will use lies for attention and validation. They might exaggerate their accomplishments, completely makeup stories, or present themselves in a way that isn’t true for admiration, sympathy, or praise. This is often rooted in deep-seated insecurities, so be wary.
9. They want to control every situation.
Liars often want a sense of control over what’s going to happen, and you can’t get that if the other person responds unpredictably. That’s why they will distort the truth to create their own reality and manipulate those around them until they feel that they’re back at an advantage.
At the end of the day, remember that these are 9 reasons for lies, not excuses. Take it with a grain of salt and be sure to hold others accountable whenever necessary.