There are few things in life more frustrating than being ignored. If you’re a woman being ignored by a man, this is even truer. I know my immediate reaction is to think “Wow, this guy needs some space, I’m totally cool with that!” Yeah, right. Instead, I’ll turn into a furious demon who MUST be recognized! Ok, maybe not that bad, but close. The truth is that guys communicate differently than girls and ignoring someone plays a part in that. That’s why when he ignores you, you should do these eight things.
1. Keep your cool.
Take a deep breath. Do it with me. Inhale, exhale. You may have rolled your eyes instead of following my lead, but keeping your cool is absolutely essential before anything else, and here’s why. Women are emotional creatures. We feel what we feel intensely, and it is both a blessing and a curse. The first thing to note is that guys do not communicate like us. They don’t need to use their words and talk things out. Two guys could get into a literal fistfight and be pals a week later, whereas two girls could verbally argue and not speak again for years. To fix things, you’ll need to be levelheaded and recognize that his style of communication is different from yours. From now on, you’re the detective trying to solve a puzzle of silence, not a girl who’s being ignored.
Check out: What to do when he ignores you
2. Try to see him in person if you can.
The reason that you should try to see him in person is that texting can misconstrue a heck of a lot of messages. Put your period in the wrong place or choose the wrong emoji and the whole conversation could go sideways, backward, and wrong. If you know you’ll see him tomorrow, let the conversation go until then. If you don’t know that you’ll see him, try to communicate via phone, but know you may not get a lot of communicating done.
3. Don’t be afraid to sit in silence.
Most of us are uncomfortable in silence… see? I bet even that 2-second pause was uncomfortable. We are constantly trying to fill the silence with comments, jokes, or questions, but instead of promoting conversation this actually cuts it off. When you finally get the chance to sit with this guy, you can ask him what’s wrong. He will either answer you, say nothing, or sit in silence. No matter what he does, don’t say anything at first. Sit in silence for at least 30 seconds. Chances are he’s going to say something else way before the 30 seconds are up. Studies have shown that the best way to get information out of someone is to say nothing at all. The discomfort he’ll have with your silence will likely prompt him to give you more details about what’s bothering him. Of course, if he just sits and says nothing for a full thirty seconds, the convo comes back to you to ask him what’s wrong once more. After that, we return to silence again.
4. Avoid double-texting him.
I KNOW you want to double-text him. Heck, I know you want to triple and quadruple-text him, because there’s nothing quite like getting ignored, is there? But, girl, you need to hold off. Restrain yourself. Constrain yourself! Control yourself. If he’s mad at you, the last thing he wants is for you to blow up his phone, and if he’s emotional, you aren’t going to convince him to feel otherwise until he processes his feelings on his own. I used to be the queen of multiple texts when he-who-shall-not-be-named, AKA my ex, would ignore me for whatever reason. I would get so mad and frustrated that he could easily have five texts and six missed calls from me within the day. Yep, that was me. Did it get me anywhere? Absolutely not. Learn from my mistakes. Text your friends, text your mom, write a note on the app on your phone, but don’t double-text him.
5. If he ignores you, give him space for at least a few hours.
When we’re upset with someone, we love when they blow up our phones right? Wrong. Give him some space. Touch base after a few hours or even a day. Guys need time to sit with their feelings and get over them. Maybe he’ll think about it, maybe he won’t, but either way, he’ll probably cool down after some time and feel more inclined to speak with you. When I told you not to double-text earlier, that meant not to text him more than once in the span of a few minutes or even an hour. Once a few hours have passed, though, that rule starts to disappear and you can reach out once more. Just make sure your message is kind – or at least neutral – because you attract more with honey than with a stick.
Check out: When a guy ignores you but likes you
6. Follow-up the next day.
If this guy finally gets around to talking to you, you must hear him out. Otherwise, you won’t get to this step. If he was mad at you for something you did wrong, message him the next day being kind or saying that you’ve been thinking of him. Don’t try to push the conversation – simply wishing him a good day is enough. Let him lead the conversation and don’t ask more than a couple of questions. If he wants to speak to you, you’ll know it. Even if he doesn’t end up telling you what’s wrong the first day, you’ll want to follow up the next. You can use the same tactic of telling him he’s been on your mind and that you hope all is well. It’ll take a lot of emotional maturity to send these messages if you’re fuming inside but – trust me – it is only for your future benefit. It’s hard to ignore a nice person, so don’t give him any further reasons to ignore you.
7. Show a sweet gesture to make him less defensive.
Once you’ve started to break the ice and he stops ignoring you, it’s time to be extra sweet – especially if you really did do something wrong to catalyst the situation in the first place. When I realize that I made a boo-boo with my boo, I turn sweeter than your batch of marshmallows. I might buy him his favorite dessert as a surprise, offer to give him a massage when he finishes a hard shift at work, or treat him to lunch or dinner if we get the chance to go out. This helps break the ice and – let’s be real – get back in his good graces.
8. Talk about what happened under the right circumstances.
In most cases, there should be a time when you both discuss the reason that he was ignoring you in the first place. Nine times out of ten he was probably ticked off about something you said or did. The other time he might have been busy, in which case the whole thing blows over once he’s done with whatever he’s doing. During the nine times when he is mad, though, it’s important to really get to the root of the problem so you can avoid repeating it in the future. When you talk about what happened, make sure everyone is level-headed, you’re in a quiet and private space, and you truly hear him out. Don’t interrupt, repeat his feelings back to him to make sure you understand, and try to reach a conclusion together. It won’t always happen – at least not easily – but you should always try for your relationship’s sake.
Check out: Why do people ignore me?
Conclusion:
Dealing with a guy who ignores you is tough, but you can be tougher. I hope you can use this 8-step process to deal with the situation as best you can and get some answers, both literally and figuratively. Above all, remember to keep your cool. We all get emotional and need some space now and again, and I’m sure this guy will soon share the reason for his behavior. If you have any other tips for dealing with a guy who ignores you, drop them in the comments!