There are a lot of measurements out there to tell if someone is smart or not. We start getting grades as early as preschool and are told year after year how intelligent we are – or aren’t – at school through homework, exams, and the like. We can measure intelligence to a degree, but what about emotional intelligence?
This term has become more of a buzzword lately, and for good reason. Studies have shown that emotional intelligence, called EQ for short, matters in life just as much as IQ when it comes to happiness and success. So, what the heck is emotional intelligence? Here are four main components of emotional intelligence, plus some pointers for how to increase your EQ day by day.
1. Emotional intelligence relieves stress.
The key ingredient to having emotional intelligence is self-awareness. Most of us probably think that we know ourselves. I mean, we know what we like, what ticks us off, and what makes us happy, right? Hm… do we?
I could say I hate when people are slow to text me back, but that doesn’t mean I’m self-aware. Why does that bother me so much? Where did this feeling begin? How do I respond when this situation happens and what does it say about me? Self-awareness is so much deeper than we think. It’s about taking the time – and quite a lot of it – to recognize what you’re feeling, when that feeling is triggered, and how your body reacts. Then, you take that information and you take proactive steps to manage your reaction before it escalates. This is how you end up stopping your stress in its tracks, quite literally. We have another post that can help you with this step called, “How to Practice Self-Reflection.” Check it out!
Now, here’s an example. You’re prepping for finals or a big presentation or project deadline at work. As the date nears, you start getting this feeling in your chest known as the good ol’ friend, anxiety. You take the time to notice that you feel especially anxious when you’re thinking of this deadline in a loud or disorganized space, like your current apartment which needs a good clean. Through self-awareness, you start recognizing patterns. You realize that you need to prepare for your deadline in a quiet space or distance yourself from your typical loud friend groups for a few days to get settled. You also make the connection that you work best when things are organized around you, so you take forty minutes out of your day to tidy up your space so you come home to a peaceful place after your shift ends. This helps your brain slowly disconnect from the pressures of work or school so you can rest up for the next day. This was a pretty simple self-awareness moment, but if you do this on the daily, the positive repercussions are tenfold.
2. Emotional intelligence helps you communicate and empathize with others.
High EQ individuals know how to express their emotions assertively and constructively. This combo is key. If you’re just assertive, it won’t get you far. If you’re constructive but soft, likewise. If you’re over the age of 16, I’m going to bet that you’ve already lived an experience where you weren’t happy with what was going on, but you choose to zip your mouth and suck it up. Who benefited from that situation? Probably not you. On the flip side, you may have also had a moment where something ticked you off and you spoke about it without thinking much about your words. Yeah, we know how that goes – usually not that great for you either. Finding that in-between sweet spot is where emotional intelligence lives.
Ok, wonderous YouTube channel, that sounds great on paper, but how can I be assertive and constructive at the same time, especially when some idiot is telling me something wrong? Hey, no one said emotional intelligence was a walk in the park. That’s why most people have low EQs, actually. But it is achievable.
Let’s go back to that presentation or final and say it’s a group effort. You notice the tension between a couple of teammates due to differences of opinion. Everyone’s stress level is going up now. First, you start by actively listening. You always want to listen more than you speak; trust me – it’s in your favor. People are only willing to have a conversation if they feel heard. The moment they feel attacked or that you don’t care what they say, the conversation is already over.
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Now, when it is your turn to speak, stay calm and respectful. Use “I” statements, which means you start your sentences with I and not you. “I feel nervous when we don’t meet our milestones on time,” is going to be better received than, “You make me so nervous when you finish your part of the project late.” Even though the other person really may be in the wrong, seek to understand the reasons behind their perspective. Maybe that late teammate has a lot going on personally, and you would be in a similar boat.
Then, find some common ground. What is a mutual goal between the teammates? We can assume everyone wants to do a good job and get this project over with, right?
Finally, work together to brainstorm solutions and consider choosing more than one through consensus. You can’t please everyone, but you can treat everyone respectfully in the process.
Check out: 10 Signs you are emotionally connected to someone
3. Emotional intelligence is used to overcome challenges.
If you’re lowering stress and clearing up cloudy communication channels, then you’re already in a better place mentally than you would have been otherwise. Having this clearer viewpoint will help you come up with better strategies when faced with a problem.
Think back to the last time you were overwhelmed with an obstacle in your life. Being overwhelmed in itself is an emotion, which means emotional intelligence can help you get it under control to find a solution. You know when you think back to that argument or time in your life when you were really lost and now you can say, “Dang, if I knew then what I know now I would have never freaked out about that!” Well, that’s some emotional intelligence right there. The only difference is we are trying to establish it earlier to avoid more of those freak-out moments. One day at a time. You got this.
4. Emotional intelligence will help you get ahead in life.
If I told you that you could become a strong leader, have improved well-being, and love the relationships you create in life, would you sign up? I know I would! Sign me up, baby! Well, that’s what you’re getting if you work to grow your emotional intelligence. Investing in your emotional intelligence is investing in your future success and happiness. You’ll be better equipped to navigate otherwise confusing social situations, collaborate with those who are different than you, and take opportunities that could advance your career and passions. Overall, high EQ individuals experience greater personal satisfaction and fulfillment in their lives, since they have the skills needed to handle emotions, build meaningful connections, and pursue their goals.
Check out: 10 Signs someone is emotionally attracted to you
Conclusion:
Now that we know what emotional intelligence entails and how we can work towards it, let’s get out there and grow our EQs! Looking forward to the journey together.