If you’ve ever known someone in a serious relationship, you’ve probably noticed that most of their free time was occupied by their significant other and vice versa. Assuming they weren’t going out with anyone else at the time (duh), we would more or less call the relationship serious. If we had to define it, though, what makes a serious relationship and how do we form one? Starting a serious relationship begins by developing these eight things together.
1. Time.
Most people won’t define a 2-week-long relationship as being serious. I don’t mean to offend anyone in a new relationship, but it is what it is. The word serious only fits into romance if the couple has been together for at least a few months. Most of the time, it will be a few years, but many of us know someone who has met “the one” and gone from meeting to marriage in just a few months. Surely you can meet someone and be serious about them from the start, right? Well, yes and no. You can be dedicated from the start but strangely enough, the human brain won’t get over the initial butterfly love and move to a stronger lifelong bond until the 18 to 24-month mark. Sociologists have coined this as the average timeframe needed to go from the euphoric stage of love to a stronger, early attachment bond with a romantic partner. While the beginning feelings of love are intense, they aren’t as reliable and sturdy as those that come with being with someone for a significant amount of time. You could also measure seriousness by considering how you’d react if the couple broke up. A couple who has been together for six months? Man, that stinks, but they’ll surely get over it with time. A couple that has been together for six years? Ouch, now that’s a rough heartbreak. Do you need anything, hun?
2. Getting through rough patches.
Strangely enough, you can’t have a near-perfect relationship without first going through some rough patches. By the way, check out our video on how to have a perfect relationship for more tips after you two get serious! As I was saying, if you last a year without getting into a tiff with your partner, good for you. If you’re together for two years without a rough patch, that’s some talent. Anything past that and something fishy is going on or one of you is a psychologist. Couples have rough patches. Some are longer than others and every disagreement or confrontation is unique but, hey, they happen. If you can use these rough times to grow as a couple, you’ll reach the serious zone much faster than others. The key is to make sure that you work through issues and move past them. This means no holding grudges or holding in your feelings, both of which are hard work. How many times have you watched a Hollywood film that pictured a couple going through a rough patch only to come out of it stronger than ever? That idea didn’t just come out of thin air – it’s a concept that will happen to serious couples who end up strengthening their relationship through the ups and downs. Do you know anyone who’s had a rough patch and come out of it stronger? Maybe it’s you! Feel free to share it as inspiration in the comments – I’d love to hear about it.
3. Family involvement.
Serious relationships merge lives, meaning the person becomes a part of your family. Since serious relationships at least toy with the idea of forever, it’s common to mesh partners and family. This includes meeting the parents, bonding with siblings, and having your partner form connections with your nearest and dearest. In my first “serious” relationship, I hung out with my ex’s grandma one-on-one various times, had pleasant exchanges with his parents, and was almost a role model to his little cousin. I have to be honest and say that my parents – especially my dad – were not fond of this ex, though, so he never really meshed with my family, and this caused problems down the line. It could have even slightly attributed to us breaking up, which shows the importance of this step. The only caveat is that some people purposefully or coincidentally don’t have many positive relationships with their family members. In this case, you shouldn’t be offended if you aren’t involved with their family. Analyze the situation before you think it’s something that it’s not.
4. Future plans.
If you and your significant other love each other and see each other every day but have plans to move to opposite sides of the world and never reconnect, you can’t be in a serious relationship. Future plans need to consider one another, especially for things like relocating, child-rearing, lifestyle aspirations, and big goals. When you talk to your partner about their future, are you mentioned? Do you consider them when making big decisions or are they more like a bystander that’s affected by your choice? Remember that you can always alter your plans, so you don’t need to get freaked out by not knowing what will happen. The bottom line is that if you want a serious relationship that works, you’ll need to consider and add them to your future plans. I’d also like to add you to my future plans, so if you could like and subscribe to stay in touch, that would be great!
5. Milestones.
Certain milestones immediately imply a serious relationship. If you were to tell me you were moving in with your boyfriend or girlfriend, for example, I would instantly think, “Wow, they’re serious!” This is true regardless of the amount of time you’ve been together – even though I may also think it’s a bit of a silly choice if you’ve only been dating for a few weeks, but that’s my own two cents. Other serious milestones include getting engaged, married, or raising a kid together.
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6. Commitment to one another.
Another blatantly important aspect of a serious relationship is a commitment to one another. Committed couples display their commitment in all sorts of situations. You could ask their colleagues, family, friends, or even acquaintances and everyone would talk about how they were so dedicated to one another. Some examples I’ve seen include prioritizing your partner’s needs even when you’re stressed or extremely busy, leaving a fun activity to tend to a sick or distressed significant other, and turning down opportunities for your partner. These situations should be infrequent unless your partner is sick or in a unique situation, but it’s something that any serious couple would do for one another.
7. Shared commitments as a couple.
It’s one thing to be committed to one another, but it’s a whole other scenario to share commitments in a serious relationship. This would include getting a puppy together, raising a baby, buying a home under both your names, combining bank accounts, starting a business together, and things of that nature. These commitments often have legal implications where both of you must sign on the dotted line or care for something – living or nonliving – together. Anyone with more than a few brain cells should be smart enough to only do this with someone they’re serious about.
8. Integration into one another’s life.
This last one is kind of a catch-all for what a serious relationship is. You’ll naturally integrate if you’re dedicated enough to your partner, sharing commitments, family, and plans. There shouldn’t be many – or any – people in your inner circle who don’t know about your relationship and how serious it is. Your social media should reflect your relationship status through posts with your partner and you should both know about the ins and outs of each other’s lives. Integration into one another’ s life is as serious as a heart attack – a heart attack of love, that is.
Check out: What are red flags in a relationship?
Whether you’re searching for a serious relationship, longing for one, or just trying to figure out what it means to you, I wish you luck on your journey.