15 Things Cheaters Say When Confronted
In the world of dating, there is one thing that can destroy relationships really fast and that is “cheating.” No one wants to date a cheater. When cheating happens, it’s almost impossible to return to the level of trust you used to have. Doubts inevitably become a part of your everyday life. Going behind your partner’s back is often the final nail in the coffin of your relationship. When you being to suspect your partner of cheating – or worse, you have proof that they cheated, the terrible moment of confrontation appears. These situations are emotional, intense, and unpredictable. What is predictable, though, are the things cheaters say when confronted. Whether they go into complete denial mode or come clean from the start, the list of possible responses is almost always the same. So, here are 15 of the most common things cheaters say when confronted and I’ll go over their thought process for each one. Let me know if you have more to share.
1. The word, “No.”
Let’s start with denial mode. When you bring up possible cheating, a cheater’s natural response is to deny, deny, deny. This is actually the motto of repetitive cheaters. You probably don’t even get to finish your sentence, and it comes out of them like a reflex. Like, “Oh no, we didn’t do that.” The cheater is like a toddler – they know that they did wrong and they don’t want to accept the consequences, so they straight-up lie. They’re worse than a baby, though, because a cheater is a grown person who knows better. A “no” will start the conversation, but as you push the topic further, their avalanche of denial will begin to roll. This is the common phrases cheaters say when confronted.
2. They use dramatic words and sound effects.
Cheaters who deny their actions like to instantly turn into sound machines. I don’t know what it is about these sound effects and phrases, but cheaters seem to think that the more sarcastically they respond, the more believable they think. These are going to be sounds and expressions like: “Woooooooow!” “Pshhhh…” OKAYYYY.” “Reeeaaaalllly?” They may even be so cocky as to throw in a laugh. This is all to make you doubt your instincts. If they seem so sure that you’re wrong, are you sure you’re right? Ignore the dramatization and don’t let these sound effects make you question your judgement. Be reasonable.
3. “Why are you so insecure?”
As the cheater sees that their initial denial doesn’t work on you, they may switch the problem over from them to you. Cheaters are usually prime manipulators. In the same way that they hide their real behaviors from you, they will use their behavior towards you to their benefit however they can. They are winners of the blame-game. First, they’re going to try and break you down from the inside using guilt. They may then use your insecurities against you, insinuating that you only feel like they cheated because you don’t feel confident enough in yourself as a partner. Now you see how that works now? This is another thing cheaters say when confronted.
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4. “You don’t trust me.”
If the cheater doesn’t attack your insecurities or self-esteem, they go more into a game of guilt. Cheaters hate being accused, but they sure do love to become the accusers. They will whine that you don’t trust them and this, whether they say it or not, it’s hinting at the fact that you are the problem, not them. This is a tactic used to move your attention away from the cheating and onto a new, irrelevant issue. If you don’t trust them, I assume you have your reasons.
5. “We are only friends.”
When you bring up that third-wheeling person that should have never been a part of your relationship to begin with, the cheater is going to take it personally. Their reaction will be worse if they’ve been disloyal more than once. Their instant response is to say that they’re only friends. This gives them an excuse for the times that they were physically with this person, as well as if they were communicating with them often on their phone. Here’s the bottom line: you should, more or less, know all of your partner’s friends when you start dating. If this girl or guy was around from the beginning, it would still be weird if suddenly they were BFFs with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Why the sudden change? If someone completely new pops up out of the blue, something fishy is going on.
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6. “You’re making this such a big deal. You’re so dramatic.”
Now we start to enter the zone of insults. As their reasons for denial runs out, cheaters will desperately try to minimize the situation. If they can convince you that you’re making it into a bigger deal than it really is, that means that the cheater is not as bad as you think they are. The sad truth is that cheating isn’t a big deal, it’s actually a HUGE deal, and the cheater isn’t behaving just badly, they’re behaving horribly. Don’t let them make an anthill out of a mountain. This is a big deal. A sneaky play, cheaters use when confronted.
7. “You’re crazy.”
When the insulting cheater realizes that their dodging doesn’t sway your judgement, welcome to the gaslight zone. Gaslighting is when someone manipulates you into doubting your own sanity. Nowadays, the preferred method of doing this is by simply saying that you are crazy. The cheaters doesn’t add on extra reasons as to why you’re crazy, because there aren’t any. You are being rational and confronting a problem that needs to be discussed. If they see no way out, the cheater moves from offense to defense and tries to discredit you.
8. “You’re being paranoid.”
Another way to gaslight you is to make you seem half-crazy and half-dramatic. Cheaters like to call you paranoid because, sometimes, people ARE paranoid, so it sounds like it could be a realistic situation. Only you will know if you are being paranoid or not. In any case, even if you are paranoid, take a moment to ask; why? Most of the time, there is something suspicious about your partner that brought on this feeling. The actual problem lies in your partner’s suspicious behavior. And it’s not you.
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9. “It’s not what it looks like.”
Sometimes, you will have a cheater who comes clean faster than most. They may skip the deny-deny-deny motto and immediately make moves to try and wipe their slate clean. This can start by blurring the vision of what actually happened. Maybe it seems like they cheated, but really it was something else that wasn’t as bad. Maybe you thought they lied, but really it was a misunderstanding or bad communication. Don’t be fooled; sometimes you know what you know, and you saw what you saw. If your partner becomes emotionally or physically involved with someone other than you in a romantic way, it’s cheating.
10. “It didn’t mean anything.”
Whether the cheater gave someone else a peck on the lip or full-fledged dated a second person behind your back, they will continue to try and find ways to minimize what happened. By saying that it was meaningless, it’s almost like saying it doesn’t matter. This isn’t a car accident or something out of their control. You don’t just have a face-to-face battle with someone and call it an accident. While their intention might not have been to hurt you, they did something, on purpose, that they knew could jeopardize the relationship.
11. They blame the faults of your relationship.
If you stand your ground on your sanity and stick to your guts about how wrong the cheater is, they aren’t going to like it. No one likes being called out on their mistakes, and the cheaters are at the top of this list. This is when they will use a last twist of manipulation to excuse their actions away by blaming the relationship. Maybe you two fight often, or your partner suddenly says that you both lack intimacy. Even if these were real issues, a good relationship will include two people who would want to work together to fix them – not a partner who runs into someone else’s arms the moment things get tense.
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12. More excuses.
In addition to blaming your relationship, cheaters may go after you specifically. Maybe they’ll suddenly be accusatory and start listing things you’ve done wrong before. Perhaps they’ll even go so far as to say that they suspect that YOU have cheated in the past. If you’re a bad partner, then they would have broken up with you. These things aren’t an excuse to start cheating. Another excuse they might pose is that they didn’t know what they were doing. One thing led to another and they truly don’t know how it happened. Unless they suffer from a short-term memory loss or a head injury, these excuses don’t fly. That’s what cheaters do when being confronted.
13. “It was one mistake and it will never happen again.”
Once a cheater knows that they have been cornered, they realize they’ve got to own up to their mistakes. This brings on the waterworks. Whether it’s genuine or not, it’s hard to tell, but they will sure try their best to convince you of their regret. The first step is to ensure you that this was an isolated incident and that it will never be something you have to worry about again. Unfortunately, the damage is already done and it’s up to you on how you should proceed.
14. “I never meant to hurt you.”
As kind as this sentence is meant to be, it’s simply not. If I lit your house on fire, you probably won’t believe that I didn’t mean to destroy your property. This is the same scenario. Having a cheater say that they never meant to hurt you is pointless. Cheating is always hurtful. I don’t think you could find one example where cheating was positive for all people involved. Cheating on someone and thinking that they won’t mind is like cutting someone and thinking that they won’t bleed. There are obvious repercussions.
15. “I’m going to change.”
In the final and vain attempt to save their skin, cheaters will hit you with the famous line: “I promise I’ll change.” This is admitting that they have a character flaw, which is a big step, but this is also a promise that is hard to keep. Can a person really change? Is once a cheater always a cheater? But that’s really up to that person and for you to decide. We would all like to be optimistic enough to think that people can improve. Unfortunately, there’s no guarantee. It’s up to you to decide if you want to be the guinea pig to observe this experiment or not.
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Conclusion:
While the outcome of cheating varies with each couple, the confrontation always includes at least one of the elements that I’ve mentioned, if not, more. Denial, excuses, and guilt will flood the conversation. There’s no avoiding it, and it’s not pretty. Your decision to forgive or not is a big one. Would you allow them to explain themselves and be mature by using only reasoning and logic to reach a conclusion? That’s up to you. But picking up the pieces after finding out about a cheater is rough. You can piece them back together, but the relationship will never be the same. The relationship is supposed to add joy and support to your life, not add to the list of your problems. No matter what you decide to do, always remember your worth. So there you have it, 15 things cheaters say when confronted.