There’s a ton of relationship advice out there – especially on the internet – but a lot of it is just repeating the same thing. Always communicate, address your issues, and accept the other person, yadda, yadda, yadda. These are all great pieces of advice, don’t get me wrong, but they aren’t life-changing or shocking. That’s why I’m going to give you the 5-relationship advice you didn’t know you needed.
1. Happy relationships require lots of work.
Society loves to romanticize relationships. We are all looking for our “happily ever after,” our “prince or princess charming,” or someone who “completes us.” The thing is, these sayings trick us into thinking that love is perfect and wonderful all the time when the truth is that’s not the case at all. Happy relationships aren’t just produced out of thin air or by meeting “the one.” Happy relationships are produced by a lot of effort. Think of any good thing in life – a successful business, a beautiful garden, a healthy and fit body – all of these good things are produced by sweat, tears, and effort, and a good relationship is no different. If you’re not ready to put in the work, don’t expect the best.
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2. Don’t expect the butterflies to stay forever.
Too many relationships end up failing because one or both of the partners say they fell out of love. Oddly enough, it is both normal and healthy to fall out of the butterfly love in about one and a half to two years. Social scientists have studied romantic relationships in detail and split love into two categories: lustful love, which is the one you feel when you become obsessed with a person and can’t stop thinking about them, and stable love, which is when the butterflies go away and you feel a strong, yet slightly unsexy, connection to said person. Don’t freak out if this happens to you – it just means your boyfriend or girlfriend has become more dependable in your life and the love is still there but in a different way. Spoiler alert – you can both still give and get those butterflies if you both try hard enough!
3. Your partner shouldn’t be your whole life.
It may sound ideal to find someone who perfectly completes you, but this could actually be negative for your relationship. While it’s important to share core values and some hobbies, having a life that’s separate from your partner is also healthy. I’m not talking about having a whole other romance on the side or a secret life – no, no – I am talking about keeping a few of your hobbies personal and spending some alone time with family or friends now and again. Couples who ignore individual autonomy tend to rebel later in life and become bitter, so keeping these independent parts will help you feel like you’re your own person living in conjunction with your relationship.
4. It’s important to learn how to fight… the right way.
Show me a couple that never fights and I’ll show you a couple that is keeping some secrets. We are all human and it’s impossible to get along with another human 100% of the time… unless you’re in a coma. The difference between detrimental fighting and productive fighting is that the latter isn’t fighting – it’s heated discussions. You can both share your opinions, although they may be opposite one another, and hear each other out even if you don’t agree. You both might get mad and maybe even need to spend some time in silence, but you both do listen. In the words of a wise man who I heard on the internet, “There’s no such thing as winning an argument in a relationship.” Think about it.
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5. Your feelings will change, and that’s ok.
If you want to have a long and happy relationship, you can, but it won’t always be that way. There will be times when you feel like you’re on cloud nine, others when you feel like you’re at the bottom of a trench, and more days in between where you simply feel “meh” and could almost care less about your partner. These ups and downs are a part of life and you need to realize sooner rather than later that they’re natural and OK. The important thing is that you keep respecting and communicating with your partner, trudge along, and aim for higher ground… and feelings. Don’t worry – they will return.
Conclusion:
Every relationship is unique, but some pieces of advice hold tried and true for all of them. Have you been implementing any advice from this post without realizing it? Are there any other pieces of advice you’ve found useful for keeping the love alive? Let me know in the comments! So there you have it 5 relationship advice you didn’t know you needed.