Man, it’s tough out there for love. People have to deal with side chicks and dudes, gossip, and power struggles every day; and perhaps the worst enemy of them all is our own words. On the positive side, just like we can break down relationships with words, we can also build them up. Here are 6 phrases that will strengthen any relationship for the better, as per some of the top relationship experts in the field.
1. “Thank you.”
John and Julie Gottman are two Ph.D. psychologists who have studied over 40,0000 couples in couples therapy. They are also a couple themselves and have been happily married for a whopping 35 years. How’s that for some credentials? These two experts published an article a few months ago discussing the number one phrase used in successful relationships, and it was nothing more than the simple, “Thank you.” Here’s the thing – everyone and their mothers want to be appreciated for what they do. We want gold stars when we’re five and words of appreciation when we’re 25, 35, 45, 50, and every age in between. A thank you shows your partner that you’re noticing what they’re doing right – not just what they mess up on. Many of us miss the mark and think that our partner knows we love and appreciate them, so we don’t have to say it. Wrong!
Appreciation is shown, but it is primarily verbalized. Be specific in what you’re thanking your partner for. You could even replace it by saying, “I appreciate when…” and finish off the sentence.
Check out: How to influence others without them knowing
2. “I’m sorry.”
Ah, the power of apology. And I’m talking about a good one. What makes for a real, authentic apology? That will depend on the error and your relationship, but the keywords that should come out of your mouth are “I’m sorry.” Some of us may think we already apologized by hugging the hurt person or by saying “I shouldn’t have done that,” but it isn’t quite the same thing. Directly saying that you are sorry or that you apologize lays out your intention and perspective clearly, allowing the other person to process your apology. They are keywords that are often shushed away because of pride, but it isn’t news that pride has long been the downfall of man. Acknowledging that you’ve hurt someone doesn’t make you a bad person; it makes you a mature person who can acknowledge that we all hurt others at one time or another, and what matters the most is making things right afterward.
3. “I feel ___ when you ____.”
This phrase can be filled in whenever you are feeling a negative type of way about your relationship. The reason it’s so important and can strengthen a relationship in times of trial is because it’s an “I-statement.” I-statements help you express your thoughts and feelings without blaming or accusing the other person. When I was younger, I may have gotten mad at an ex for not texting me back for a while and said, “You always take forever to text back and you make me so mad!” Definitely not an I-statement. Instead, I’m immediately blaming the other person; blaming them for texting slowly and, worst off, blaming them for my reaction to their texting. Nowadays, I may say something different, like, “I feel ignored when you take a couple of hours to respond to my messages.” I’ll own my feelings. I may even add a “because” at the end of the sentence to give my partner more insight as to how my mind and feelings work. This instantly starts off the discussion softly, as opposed to a harsh start which will almost guarantee a fight instead of a productive outcome.
4. “I’m committed to you.”
Dating someone is a choice. We choose who to go out with, who to break up with, and, eventually, who to marry and maybe even have kids with. Because relationships are a choice, there is always that one percent of uncertainty as to whether or not you two will last. For many people, especially during fights, there is a sense of panic at the thought that this relationship may not make it through. By reassuring your partner of your dedication and commitment to the relationship, you can give them a sense of security that can help you two resolve issues and get through tough times.
If you’re in a situation where you think your guy may be losing interest, you may also want to check out our video called, “Am I Overthinking or Is He Losing Interest?”
5. “I know you mean/meant well.”
This statement is usually said sometime after a disagreement or sour situation. There are plenty of times when we get mad or sad in the moment but then, hours or days later, look back on the situation with a different set of eyes. Oh, how I wish we could always see from that perspective from the get-go! Most of us realize that our partner didn’t mean to hurt us after the hurt had gone away, but we don’t say much about it. If you can instead tell your partner – as close to the disagreement as possible – that you know their intentions were good, you can assist your relationship in the healing process. We all make mistakes. Sometimes, we even say hurtful things without thinking, but if you love someone you should give them the benefit of the doubt that they aren’t doing something with the sole purpose of hurting the one they love. Let them know you still trust that their heart is in the right place so that they know you still see them with those same loving eyes – even if they’re a bit teary too.
6. “I love you.”
You didn’t think I’d leave this one out, did you? Most of us say our I love you’s, but the crazy part is that they tend to dwindle the longer you’ve been with someone. The butterflies have flown away and even though you still feel intensely connected, it just doesn’t propel you to serenade them with your words every day. I get it, but a person’s need to feel seen, loved, and appreciated doesn’t dimmish over time. If anything, we may need to hear it more over time to make sure the other person hasn’t gotten bored or tired of us! Say your I love you’s, mean them, and pair them with a smooch to keep the connection alive and well.
Conclusion:
If you’re watching this video, you’re already on the path to becoming a better partner to that special someone. So now, what are you waiting for? Give them a call or surprise them at home and use these lines to strengthen your relationship today! Let me know how they react in the comments and, as always, thanks for watching.