Stages Of A Relationship
As wild, unpredictable, and crazy as love can be, it is actually one of the most reliable forces that drives humans every day. Love goes through certain stages, even if they feel like there isn’t any rhyme nor reason to it, but if you can recognize these stages, it may be a little easier to navigate. There are variations of these stages, but they essentially boil down to five basic stages: the initial attraction, the chase, the honeymoon, the crisis and problematic stage, and the final commitment stage.
Recognizing which stage you are in can be incredibly helpful to slowing down and analyzing different aspects of your relationship – where are you, and where do you want to be? Do you see yourself progressing to any of the other relationship stages? By better understanding the dynamic between you and your potential partner, you can easily make decisions as to what you want to do with your life and with your relationship. So here are the following 5 stages that you’ll go through.
Stage 1) The Initial Attraction
This is the first part of any relationship – that first, mutual attraction to each other. You start to notice the little things about them – the way they laugh, the smell of their perfume or cologne, the slenderness of their fingers – and all of those little attributes start to add up. You find yourself thinking about them often, constantly, and imagining yourselves together.
Maybe you can’t even quite put your finger on it, what attracts you to them – all you know is that there’s something there. You catch yourself looking over at them more than you do with others, or unconsciously arranging yourself to stand near them or to reflect their own body language. You may find yourself even talking about the other person to your friends more and more often – laughing at things they said, or did, or admiring them. And once you’ve locked onto a target, you’ll start moving onto the next stage.
Stage 2) The Chase
The Chase is what is often the most fun and exciting part of the relationship. This is where you simultaneously establish or communicate to the other person that you are interested in them, while trying to decipher or figure out if they feel the same way about you. The Chase is full of fun flirtation, intentional-played-off-as-casual encounters, and deep late-night talks.
This stage of the relationship is when you start to get to know each other, and find out more about the other person. It’s still uncertain where this relationship will go, and whether it will even “go” at all, but that very uncertainty is what makes the risk of The Chase fun and exhilarating. Your initial attraction to the other person has grown even more intense and strong – you see their name light up your phone, and it feels like your entire day has lit up along with it. And when everything is going well, you’ll soon get into stage 3.
Stage 3) The Honeymoon
This is when all relationships seem to have their “ups” – you’re infinitely happy to be together, you relish spending every moment with the other person, and can’t imagine a life without them. Maybe you’re already discussing the future, marriage, or having kids, but this is the stage where you may be rushing into things headlong too quickly. Be sure to slow down so that you aren’t heartbroken or be letdown when reality doesn’t match up to your expectations.
However, don’t be afraid of soaking in all the feelings that you have when you’re with your partner in this stage. The Honeymoon Phase may last from just a couple of months to a couple of years. There’s no exact telling how long it lasts, for that depends on person to person, but one thing is for sure – you feel like you’re on Cloud Nine when you’re with your partner. This is where you do all of the disgustingly sweet, repulsively cute couple-things together that make your friends groan when they see you, but you don’t care – nothing else matters except you and your partner. All honeymoons have an end and when it ends, you’ll enter stage 4.
Stage 4) The Crisis, Tension, and Problems
In this stage, things can get rocky, and will really make or break a relationship. After all of the dopamine and oxytocin start to slow down, reality will start to set in. Just as you may need a break from a friend after traveling with them in close quarters for a long time, after your Honeymoon Phase, you may feel yourself itching to spend some time apart or away from your partner. Emotions may start to run a little high, or tense, and it isn’t uncommon for small things such as forgetting to plan for dinner to kick off a full-blown fight that isn’t even about the dinner anymore.
Problems or complications in a relationship will start to surface or become more apparent. What you earlier could just brush off or decide to deal with when you get to it suddenly becomes urging, pressing, and you can’t move on with your relationship until you address these issues. Even more, the more you put off addressing these roadblocks and complications in your relationship, the worse off it will get in the long run. Crucial foundations such as good communication and trust become even more necessary to outlast this stage of a relationship, building a stronger relationship. And when you do, you’ll realize that you’ve just walked into the next stage.
Stage 5) The Routine, Familiarity, and Commitment
If you and your partner can make it through the crisis phrase of your relationship, then you are good for the gold, so to speak. The final stage of your relationship is where you achieve stability and familiarity – what were once turbulent waters is now smooth sailing. This stage is about choosing your partner, repeatedly and consistently, above all else. This stage is usually when couples make big life decisions together, such as getting married, moving in together, or having kids, because they know that they are in this for the long run.
Because you are so familiar with the other person and know exactly what makes them tick, this may feel like you are getting lazy with your relationship, but the opposite couldn’t be more true. As a matter of fact, you are simply not letting the small details catch you up or take you by surprise. You both know that compromise is essential for a relationship, and you don’t need anyone or anything other than your partner to endure any hardship.
Conclusion:
By recognizing different elements, aspects, and attributes of each basic stage of a relationship, you may be able to better operate within your own relationship. Knowing which stage you and your partner are on is essential for knowing where your relationship is headed in the long run or what the end goal is, whether that may be letting it fade as a summer fling or spending the rest of your lives together. Be sure to discuss with your partner whether the phase you’re going through is genuinely just a phase, or if it belies some deeper, underlying problem(s) with you and your relationship – if the latter is the case, then you may need to do some serious reflection and analysis of your relationship if you want it to continue to thrive and grow.