Social Skills Training for Adults (15 Ways to Improve)
Have you ever had a moment where you completely embarrassed yourself in public? I’m talking like, “blurting out a traumatizing statement at the completely wrong time” kind of embarrassing. You know, a time where you almost wish you had farted instead because even that would have been less of an embarrassment than the nonsense that just came out of your mouth. It’s worse than when your waiter says, “Enjoy your meal” and you respond, “You too”. Just because we are adults does not mean we automatically know how to be social butterflies. Understanding social cues and being able to choose the correct responses is not something we are born knowing. We can improve and perfect our social skills in the same way we can improve at a sport; through training and practice. If you’re looking to improve your presence among your friends, coworkers, partner, or peers, I’d like to welcome you to Social Skills Training for Adults 101. Here are 15 practical ways to improve.
1. Ask open-ended questions.
The fastest way to lose five pounds is to diet and exercise. The fastest way to lose interest in a person is when the conversation goes nowhere. If you only spit out yes-or-no type of questions, you’re going to need more if you want your conversations to flow. Whether you’re speaking to a coworker at work or a new acquaintance at a house party, try to ask compelling questions. You can start small. For example, instead of asking them if they’ve lived in this city their whole lives, ask how long they’ve lived in this city and what are their favorite spots to eat at. It automatically changes their response from a nod to a few sentences about where they grew up in or lived in. Think of questions that will allow the other person to share more personally, and stick to topics that are light-hearted in the beginning. No need to ask about their biggest, darkest secrets just yet.
Check out: 10 Easy conversation starters that always work
2. Don’t just ask…be an active listener!
Let’s say you’ve met Bob at a party and you asked him the question about where he’s lived. If Bob tells you that he grew up in New York City, and you later ask him if he’s a San Francisco 49ers fan, he’s going to look at you funny. Didn’t he just mention that he’s from the opposite coast of America? There’s no point in asking questions if the responses go in one ear and out the other. It’s a surefire way to NOT make any friends because no one wants to think that you ignored their conversation. You might not need to remember that Bob went shopping yesterday, but you should remember that he bought a gift for his mother who went to the hospital. So, keep tabs on important information.
3. Follow up. You’ve asked, and you’ve listened.
Now you have a ton of important information that should be used to connect further with the people you hit it off with. If Bob opened up enough to talk about his mother’s intensive surgery, don’t high five him the next time you see him and ask what’s new. Be empathetic enough to ask him about how the surgery went for his mother. The follow-up for conversations doesn’t have to be so serious, either. Maybe Bob’s mom is fine, but he mentioned how he loves baseball. Next time you and your friends go have a pick-up game at the park, throw Bob an invite. Or, even easier, ask him if he saw the championship game the next time you see him.
4. Become aware of your feelings and raise your emotional intelligence.
Maybe your conversation with someone new didn’t go as charmingly as your conversation with Bob. There will be times when other people set us off or offend us, either unwillingly or uncomfortably on purpose. Have you ever had someone ask you what was wrong, even though you didn’t say anything? Sometimes your face speaks more than your actual mouth does. Having a stare down or furrowing your brows at someone is no better than insulting them back. Have you ever had someone roll their eyes at you? It’s just as serious as name-calling. Be aware of when your negative feelings arise and how your physical body manifests those feelings. Once you are aware of your feelings, learn to work with them enough to control them. This is increasing your emotional intelligence.
Check out: How to make someone feel special
5. Respond, don’t react.
Ok, now that you know your emotions, whether it’s angry or sad, and that person is still there in front of you. Your face and body movements are controlled, but how, exactly, do you control your emotions? The key is to respond reasonably and not react. It’s ok to feel angry or sad during certain times, but we need to communicate how we’re feeling in a clear objective way if we want to find a rational solution. Use direct language, ask for clarification, and express your concerns. If it’s something exciting and rewarding, it’s okay to show it off with physical expressions because people like positive things more than negative ones. This is probably one of the easiest things to do for social skills training for adults.
6. Go back to the basics: be polite.
Sometimes in this digital age, we can get carried away and forget the basics. People have been getting along and making friends since the beginning of time. How did they do that a hundred years ago? Well, the same way we can start now: by being polite. Make sure to enter a conversation smoothly, and always introduce yourself if there is someone you don’t know in the group. The same goes for when you enter a room at work or at a social event. Participate in the conversation, and ask other questions to ensure that you’re being inclusive. And, please, most importantly of all… do NOT interrupt other people while they are talking.
Check out: How to be a nicer person (10 tips)
7. Take notes – both mentally and physically.
How many times has someone introduced themselves to you, and you forget their names? While we aren’t Dory from Finding Nemo, it’s still tough to keep track of what people are saying and when we are overly concerned about how we will respond next. Try to associate people with certain traits by taking mental notes in your mind. For example, if Bob likes basketball. Picture him playing baseball. The same tricks you use to study in school can also help you remember important social details. When you get home or have a moment in private, you can even jot down the names and facts on your phone or on a sticky note to remember it later on. And when you call them by their name the next time you see them, they’ll be happy that you remember them and your likability will increase.
If you like, check out: How to read a person’s mind
8. Learn when and how to be assertive.
While being nice and courteous is the foundation for social skills, we must also learn how to get a word in edgewise. Sometimes you will encounter people who are a tad too social, which cuts out any chance of other people who wants to participate. And you might want to get your voice heard. When you run into these people, you’ll have to plan your entrance strategically in a conversation. When that person pauses to take a breath, which is rarely, rush in and agree with their previous point, then transitioning it into your own story or opinion. This part will let the talker know that you’ve actually listened and acknowledged their points and they’ll be more inclined to slow down and let you talk. But it will take some skills and with enough practice, anyone can navigate this tricky situation.
Also check out: How to love yourself and be confident
9. Make plans.
Socializing is as much talking as it is doing an actual activity. Whether we are gaming and speaking at the same time, exercising and chatting, or even laying on a beach and shooting the breeze, there’s nothing like a good activity to ensure a positive social interaction. Make some plans and invite a few acquaintances and friends. It will provide you for an anxiety-free event where your guard will be down and your socialization skills will increase. And this is where you’ll gain more practice and increase your social skills training for adults.
10. Be reliable.
Once you make those plans or check-in with a friend, make sure you stick to your plans. Don’t be a nice pal one day and disappear the next. You want your social connections to be genuine and you want them to stick. In order for this to happen, you’ll have to be reliable in what you say and do. Nobody likes a flake. This is the best social skills training that you can easily implement for adults.
11. Challenge others respectfully.
Social skills contain the good, the bad, and the ugly. You may be trying to improve your skillset, but some people could care less about improving their bad habits. If you run into someone who really pushes your buttons, make sure to challenge them respectfully. This, too, is a healthy part of social interaction. If this person is talking about something you truly disagree, always ask them to clarify before interjecting with your own experience or opinion. Never resort to insults or accusations. This form of respect is the difference between a healthy debate and a hair-pulling argument.
12. You don’t always have to be right.
We all like to win, and we all like to be the best. It’s human nature. Growing your social skillset includes accepting that you don’t always have to be right. Being the bigger person is not just a cheesy phrase – it’s actually a thing. Try your hardest to understand where that other person is coming from… even if you would never agree with them in a million years. You can understand someone and be at peace without agreeing with them. Again, everyone has their own opinions and you shouldn’t force someone to believe in your ideas.
Check out: How to fix an unhealthy relationship (Step-by-step)
13. Work on your non-verbal communication.
Studies have shown that over 50 percent of communication is non-verbal. So, this is really important. Having an open body language is a huge factor in positive social interactions. This includes things like having your arms open, leaning in when you’re talking to someone, and even mirroring a bit of their own body language. Nod your head when you’re understanding what they’re saying, and ask questions that use the same language they used. And, remember, control your face if something unpleasant is said. Just by doing this, most people would be willing to talk to you and interact with you more.
14. Focus on the positive.
Another important skill to have if you want to keep anyone in your social circle is to focus on the positive. A complainer will only attract other complainers into their circle and when two complainers don’t click, things could go south really bad. No happy person wants to chat with someone who always brings them down. In your conversations, focus on the good in your life and the lives of others. You’ll be surprised how much more of the good it will bring you!
15. Talk to a stranger!
This last step is a bit of a challenge, but a very rewarding one. Take some of these social skills and put them to good use. Next time you’re on the subway, sitting on a park bench, or standing in a long line, start up a casual conversation with the person next to you. I’ve known people who’ve met their partners this way, or have even found a new job! You have nothing to lose but a few minutes and a couple of words, and so much to gain.
Check out: How to build a stronger relationship with someone (10 tips)
While you may have had a couple, or a couple hundred, awkward moments in social situations, there’s no reason why that needs to continue. Using some of these tactics is a sure way for you to gain more confidence and more skill in different social interactions. Whether you’re in professional mode or just trying to make some new friends, the most important thing to do is always be yourself and do your best. Practice makes perfect! There you have it 15 practical tips on social skills training for adults.