I’m not the elected representative of all females in the world, but I’m going to put myself out there and say that most girls love to talk – me included. We chat about our plans, our worries, our fears, our wishes, and everything in between… but not to just anyone. If a girl tells you about her personal life, there are three possible reasons why it happens and different ways you can handle them. Each one tells you a little bit about her character and a whole lot about how she feels towards you. Let’s check them out.
1. She needs a friend.
At its base, deep communication is something that humans need for effective survival. That’s right – your hour-long venting session with your best friend is actually important for your overall health. Psychologist Susan Pinker put it best when she said that face-to-face contact is like a vaccine. It releases neurotransmitters that regulate our response to stress and anxiety, making us more resilient in the long run.
So, what kinds of things will she share with you if she just needs a friend? This will likely be something that is bothering her or stressing her out. I know that if I ever argue with someone close to me, the first thing I need to do afterward is talk to someone else about it to reflect, dissect, see what went wrong, and learn how to fix it. That’s just me though, but many girls find that venting or asking for someone else’s take on a problem helps them to figure it out for themselves.
Sharing with friends isn’t all a downer, though. A girl looking for a friend will also share about the ups in her life, like if she met someone special, stepped into a new opportunity, or did well on a project or assignment. She may look to you to celebrate with a high-five, hug, or outing.
Sharing the ups and downs of life is true to friendship, but it also happens with a romantic interest, so it’s important to outline how this behavior and conversation is different from that of a girl who’s interested in you. A girl looking for a friend will only share the big news with you, be it good or bad. You may not hear from her in between and you definitely won’t hear all of the tiny, boring details of other mini ups and downs in her life. She may also share the big news with you and other friends at the same time, so don’t expect a long-winded celebratory party of two.
If you’re ok being friends or want to develop a stronger connection, be sure to be the strong shoulder she can lean on. Or, if you want to escape friendship and make it romantic, check out another video I have called How to Bust Out of the Friend Zone!
2. She’s an over-sharer.
We all know an over-sharer. This girl blabs about her life to just about everybody. She stops by the gas station to fill up the tank and by the time she leaves the gas station attendant knows that she’s spent over $150 on gas this month because she has to drive to ABC town every weekend to see so-and-so for these three reasons.
What’s the craziest thing someone has overshared with you? Let me know in the comments!
As you probably know, no matter the time, place, or people, the over-sharer will participate in conversation and leave nothing to the imagination.
Even though you may be a million miles away and can’t see me, I’m going to overshare that I am dying to get your like and subscription on this video and channel! Pretty please?
Anyway… timid individuals or those with highly-cued social skills will grimace at the level of openness of this girl; it just isn’t normal. According to LinkedIn, oversharing also undermines influence, elicits discomfort in those around you, and demonstrates a lack of self-awareness.
I would be lying if I said I’ve never over-shared, because sometimes it happens accidentally when you trust someone too quickly or make a decision too quickly. These are human blunders, but a true over-sharer will continue their talking parade no matter the day or details involved.
You can point out an over-sharer fairly quickly. You won’t need to know her long – not even for more than a day – before she starts to tell you all of the nitty-gritty details about her life. The keys to pinpointing an over-sharer are not having enough time as friends and that the information shared is just too much. You probably won’t know each other on a speaking, friendship basis for more than two weeks.
I met an over-sharer just this week who is a great example of this. Within two hours of knowing her, she started telling me about how her baby daddy was now with a new girlfriend and because of this he was suddenly present in their daughter’s life, but that it was all a scandal to make his girlfriend happy yet he wasn’t truly present as a father. If she told this to me imagine what she’ll share on her next date.
Is this information true? I bet it is. Is it important? For those involved, absolutely. Is it something she needed to share with a coworker who just joined the team a few hours ago? No.
If she’s telling you crazy drama, past trauma, or straight-up strange information about herself and her life without knowing you for long, she’s an over-sharer.
There’s a red flag here, so be careful. My two cents is that you should simply listen, nod along, and keep a lot of your opinions to yourself. If she overshares about herself, she’ll likely overshare about you to others. Don’t get caught up in the drama.
3. She’s into you.
The third and last reason a girl may tell you about her personal life is that she’s into you, crushing on you, feeling you, or any other variation of liking you. According to the national therapeutic company TalkSpace, happy couples often discuss their hopes and dreams, fears and frustrations, spiritual topics, family issues, memories, and experiences. She may be telling you about herself to set the tone for moving your friendship into a relationship by getting to know each other better.
The difference between telling you about her life romantically and as a friend lies in the type of conversation and the setting. She’s going to tell you all about her life, even the small and seemingly mundane details. This means she won’t just text or call you when she gets a promotion – she’ll also reach out when she had an average day, when her colleague said something funny or dumb, or even when she’s bored at work. This blends into the talking stage of getting to know someone, when the conversation is amped up and spreads over hours or even days with a lot of not-so-useful information.
She’ll also share with you privately, opening up about big secrets, fears, and desires when you two are alone and in a secluded space. This is followed by her waiting on your feedback or support and also hoping you will open up to her in return. She may even ask you some personal questions to make sure the conversation goes both ways.
Combine this type of conversation and setting with long looks, physical touch and closeness, and flirty gestures and you’ll easily be able to tell that she’s sharing to get closer to you. The more often you talk and the less often there are others around you, the more likely she’s telling you about her personal life because she’s into you and wants to connect.
When a girl shares her personal life with you, she needs a friend, is an over-sharer, or is into you. Which one do you think you’re facing? Be sure you pay attention to what she’s saying and how she’s saying it to determine which category she falls into. Overall, communication is an important aspect of any relationship, big or small, romantic or not, so remember that listening to her personal story shows humanity and can strengthen your bond. At the very least, it shows respect, which I know you’ll give her no matter what.