How To Tell If Someone Is Leading You On
The dating world is full of twists and turns that everyone has to navigate. What’s appropriate, what’s moving too fast, what’s not moving fast enough – these problems are difficult enough on their own. But sometimes, even if you are in a relationship with someone, there is always the chance that it isn’t even genuine! Sometimes someone will get into a relationship with you saying one thing but having something completely different in mind – they aren’t as committed as they seem, they have no intentions of sticking around more than the absolute minimum, or they’re just using you for something. It can be tricky to tell if you’re being led on by someone. So here’s how to tell if someone is leading you on.
1. They do couple things with you, but talking about a relationship is a no go
They avoid and refuse to quote on quote “define the relationship”. Even if they are doing couple things with you, such as going on dates, or visiting museums, or cooking romantic dinners together, if they shy away or avoid the topic every time the relationship topic comes up in conversation, it should be a red flag that they don’t have any intentions of fully committing themselves to a relationship, and consider you just a fling or something temporary. If they are eager to build a relationship with you, they should be open to building a strong, stable foundation – but they may avoid discussing the relationship if they are trying to avoid getting tied down or trapped in something that they don’t want for the long term.
2. They’re nice to you but also to everyone else
One particular sign to tell is if their behavior towards you is just as lukewarm as it is towards anyone else. Sure, it may be charming if they always open the door for you, or remembers certain details about your life – but is this just the standard for how they operate? It isn’t out of any particular respect or adoration for you if these are just things that they do regularly, for everyone else. So are they nice to you because they care about you, or are they nice simply because they’re nice?
3. They don’t communicate consistently (texts, emails, calls, etc)
It is frustrating if they aren’t consistent, especially with communication and interaction. It may seem like everything is going fine one minute, and then suddenly you haven’t heard from them in days or weeks with no indication of what’s going on or why they’ve all of a sudden seemed to have disappeared off the face of the planet. Being left in the dark is no fun. Then after ghosting you, they come back alive like nothing had happen and starts to be lovely dovey with you. (like what the heck). The same goes for interaction or whenever the two of you are together. Do you end up always calling or texting first? If you’re the one doing all the work, it may be a sign that you’re the only one who is more invested than them.
4. They make vague promises
By extension, if they seem to be constantly promising you one thing or another without following through, something may be up. Actions speak louder than words, and no action at all screams volumes in and of itself. This may be something as small as always promising to take you to a certain cafe or restaurant, but they just never do. Is there a reason for this? Are they afraid to be seen with you in certain places, or do they know someone there? Keep an eye out if it seems like your relationship is largely built upon you waiting and waiting for something that will never come about.
5. They say that they want someone just like you
This can be a big red flag that they are leading you on or isn’t fully committed to you. They may just be committed to the idea of you. The most BS line of all, “I hope to find someone just like you” – so what happens when they meet someone else who is just like you, with only a few differences? Are they in love with you, as you are, or have they built up an idea of you and what a relationship should be in their head? Saying that they want someone like you is not the same thing as saying that they want you, and it’s important to be able to discern the difference. Otherwise, they may just be using you as a placeholder in their life until someone else comes along.
6. Their behavior in public and in private don’t match up
If they are loving, sweet, and perfectly caring in private, but suddenly becomes cold or distant when the two of you are in public, it’s a good sign that they are leading you on. The behavior should be somewhat consistent. But I’m not saying to do inappropriate things in public. If it feels like being together is just an act or something fun for them, then they aren’t being entirely truthful about their intentions with you.
7. They avoid answering direct questions
Nothing should be a bigger red flag than if they point blank absolutely refuses to answer your questions, especially questions about themselves, such as their work, their family, or their background in general. If they’re hiding something, they very well won’t want to share it with you – openness and good communication is crucial for any healthy relationship to work, and if they don’t want to share that communication with you, it may be because they don’t intend for the relationship to work out or they don’t feel like you are important enough to share those aspects of their life with. Trust your instincts! If it feels like they are hiding something, it’s probably is because they have something to hide. If you’re interested to know, here’s 5 red flags he doesn’t like you.
8. They don’t let you meet their family, friends or other people in their life
As well as hiding things from you, it can go the other way around as well – are they hiding you from people in their life? Are you the secret that they don’t want anyone to find out about? If the relationship is fresh and new, it may not be appropriate to meet their friends and family right away… but if you’ve known each other for a while, introducing you to other people in their life is a natural progression for a relationship to evolve and grow. Even if they say they’re trying to “shield” you from their family, or just want to keep you to themselves, they should be comfortable with sharing all aspects of their life with you – and should be comfortable sharing you with the others in their life.
9. They overcompensate by being overly loving or sweet
If they have been acting suspicious, or not meeting your expectations of the relationship, they may try to overcompensate by being overly sweet and nice. Big, grand displays of love such as a bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolates delivered to you, or an expensive, fancy dinner for seemingly no reason at all may in fact be due to some Maybe guilty of something? If they are leading you on, or are largely absent in the relationship, they may try to gloss things over by schmoozing you or trying to butter you up. But not all problems can be fixed by throwing treats at it, and you should stay alert if it seems like they are trying to overcompensate for something lacking in the relationship – namely, their commitment.
10. They are moody or bi-polar with you
Is their behavior towards you unstable or unreasonably moody consistently? There is a difference between having an off day every once in a while, and being constantly irritated, cross, or intolerant of you and everything you do or try to do. A relationship is about compromise and understanding, but if they snap at you for every little thing, it may be because they aren’t willing to or don’t intend to compromise with you – they simply expect you to fall into line. Additionally, constantly cross behavior may be because there’s times when they want your company and there’s times when they just don’t want you. Keep an eye out, and make sure that they are treating you with respect, even if they are upset!
Sometimes we could be in denial and be like, “Nah, they won’t do that to me.” But of course you wouldn’t know until they actually leave you. So sometimes it’s best to just evaluate the situation and proceed with caution. You don’t want to go in too deep and then just to have your heart to be shattered. The pain is something that you definitely don’t want to go through.