Ending a relationship is one thing but ending a friendship is a whole other ballgame. While we would all like to think that being BFFs is as permanent as it sounds, circumstances and people change. A friendship that was once central to your life could become toxic, or you could simply outgrow that person to the point where they no longer add any value to your journey. Whatever the case may be, this is a sensitive subject that needs to be handled gracefully. Here’s how to stop being friends with someone in 4 steps.
1. Be clear about why you can’t be friends.
Whether you’ve been friends for a few months or a few years, this human being deserves closure. You will have to have a conversation with this person to appropriately cut things off, so you need to have some practice around what you’ll say and how you’ll say it. You may think it’s obvious that you don’t want to be friends with this person because they did AB and C, but that’s just grazing the surface. What characteristics or values did they show when they did A B and C? How did ABC make you feel and why was that a dealbreaker for you? Once you have clarity around the situation, your emotions, and your reasoning, you can head to the second step.
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2. Set a time to speak with them.
Some of you are going to hate the idea of speaking to this person face-to-face, and I get that. You may opt for texts or a phone call instead, but I will say that face-to-face is the most genuine way to terminate a friendship. Which method would you use? Let me know in the comments!
The reason face-to-face is more productive is because texts and calls could go unanswered or be misunderstood. If you’re meeting in person, first tell your friend that you would like to speak with them and ask when they’re available. Be a bit flexible since they’re the ones accommodating your request.
If you’re just texting or calling, you can do this at whatever time you believe is best for them to answer. No matter what form of communication you choose, be sure that you use I-statements and stay away from the blame game. While you may be ending a friendship, you want to avoid burning any bridges; that’s just an all-around rule in life that will help you out.
Keep in mind that this person will likely become defensive, angry, or shut down altogether. You know them better than I do, so just be prepared for what you anticipate they’ll do. Remain calm, stick to your decision and what you know, and wish them well at the end of the conversation. It’s important to stay as honest and direct as you can, but recognize that a lot of emotions are going to be playing a part.
3. Figure out how you will distance yourself.
Some people can end a friendship and will still be stalking that ex-friend’s stories and social media like no tomorrow. Generally speaking, this isn’t the healthiest thing to do. If you can control yourself and want to keep following them or keep them on your followers list, then that’s up to you, but sometimes an unfollow is the healthiest thing you can do for both of your sakes. Muting their account or trying to stay off social media for a while are also good alternatives.
If you share the same group of friends, finding a balance might be tricky at first. It’s important to set boundaries.
You don’t want to avoid all events where they’ll be, because that isn’t fair to you or your other friends. That’s why we made a video about 4 Ways Being Introverted Could Make You Sick!
So, don’t be afraid to show up at the same place as your ex-friend now and again. Let me repeat that – only now and again. You can be cordial without being friends or reigniting any old situations.
Perhaps most importantly, keep the gossip to a zero. If you have friends in common – or even if you don’t – there’s no need to speak ill of the other person. Be the bigger person, say you had your differences and have distanced yourself from one another. People grow and change, and that’s ok.
4. Learn and move forward.
Friendship breakups are hard. I have gone through a couple in my lifetime and they have hurt in a way that is so distinct I can’t even describe it. It stinks, even if it’s for the best. The important thing is that you take your good memories and lessons from the friendship moving forward. Even though things changed, you probably still have a few old times with that friend that make you smile when they come to mind, and that’s ok. You also probably have a few bitter situations that taught you something about how you handle friendships, which is also ok. Take both the good and bad and use it to grow moving forward.
Conclusion:
How to stop being friends with someone could be done in four steps, but these steps take time to process. No matter what step you’re on, remember to always try to be the bigger person, for your own sake. I know you have it in you!