How To Stop Being A Nice Guy
We’ve all heard of the expression “Nice guys finish last.” Nice guys get friend-zoned. Nice guys put in effort and the bad boy next door is the one who gets results. Sometimes the world of romance is a competition. You may want that one person but there are also five other people with their eyes on the same prize. Nobody bets on the slowest horse at the races. The nice guy is like the slow horse. You should aim to be the fastest horse, the most unpredictable, the riskiest bet with the most to win. Now I’m not saying that all guys should just stop being the nice guy. This is for those, who might want to change up their tactics when approach the same crush or if your previous tactics aren’t working because you’re too brotherly like. But I’m not telling you to become an A hole. We don’t need those. What you do need to do is to have a bit of an edge, an air of intrigue that makes you less predictable and more appealing. There are many ways to go about this and I’m going to go over a few tips on how to stop being a nice guy.
Don’t Be Like A Brother:
So, the biggest issue you’ve experienced when you’re too nice, is that you’re seen as a big-brother BFF. And no one wants to make-out with their brother, unless… never mind. When you’re interested in someone, the trajectory of your friendship is decided early on. If you’re offering to do her tons of favors while surrounding her with emotional support and security, sometimes you could be tattooed “friendzone”. Few people escape this zone. Do you know how grueling it is to get rid of a tattoo? The first thing you’re going to want to keep in mind is your goal of avoiding the friendzone during those first interactions. If this girl sees that you give her all of the support of a boyfriend without being her boyfriend, why would she want to advance your relationship? You’re already giving this fundamental support to her, asking nothing in return. She doesn’t have to support you back or become more intimate with you… it’s a one-way street with one giver and one taker. And most of the time if you’ve done this for years and the relationship hasn’t evolved, you’re most likely are in the friendzone and you’ll need to change it up a little. Consider toning down the level of support and emotional care if she’s not reciprocating. Stop being that guy.
If you’re interested, check out: 10 Signs she’s constantly thinking about you
Don’t Reveal Everything To Them:
Also, being a nice guy usually means you were also born with the romance-gene. Many times, nice and romantic go hand in hand. Your main instinct is to listen to her, which will make you receptive to things she will find cute. Hearing her say “aww” is like music to your ears. But you don’t want “aws”. You aren’t a baby, and she shouldn’t be pinching your cheeks. You’re going to need to immediately limit your romantic side and keep your hangouts neutral. If you think this is best done by group settings, so be it. Do whatever you have to do to stop yourself from setting up that romantic picnic lunch by the lake. These types of dates should be saved for later on when they start liking you. You’re letting all of the aces out of your sleeve and your date won’t stick around to see any more because you’ve already shown your best kept secrets. Have a cheap lunch where each person pays for themselves, go walk around a park, or grab a drink with a group of friends. If they want more romance, then it’s time for them to step it up and show you.
Checkout: 20 cheap date ideas
Be Assertive:
So now that you’re learning to remove some of the “niceness” in your life when you’re looking for a partner, what do you replace it with? Great question. You’re going to have to replace your softness with something more firm. Now I know what you’re thinking. It’s not that. The first thing you can display, especially to ensure that you’re banned from the friendzone, is assertion. Girls like assertive guys, because assertive guys know what they want and go for it. It’s associated with ambition. Please don’t take this to mean that you must become this all-controlling-know-it-all-condescending guy. You can be humble and assertive at the same time. If you like someone, make a statement about it early on. Don’t let her doubt your romantic interest in her. She may be open to the idea, and now you can move forward in your friendship with the shared notion of a potential future romance. On the flipside, this also mean that if she ISN’T into you, she’ll tell you without sugar-coating it. Assertive guys seem stronger than nice guys, so she’ll treat you accordingly. Don’t worry though, feelings can evolve and you don’t have to lose hope forever. The important thing is that she knows that you look at her with a clear vision of romance and not just rose-colored glasses that make you look weird. It’ll stop you from being the nice guy.
Focus On Yourself:
By being more assertive, your actions will have to follow your words. You can’t be assertive with your intentions with her, and be a go-with-the-flow teddy bear in all other aspects of your life. You should begin to do things with more intention and focus. A nice guy will put a girl in the center of his world, without even asking if she wants to be there. While a typical girl would enjoy being the apple of someone’s eyes, the nice guy is ignoring the watermelon, strawberries, and all of the other delicious fruit off to the side. And he doesn’t even get to eat the apple. Am I giving enough analogies for you to see it clearly? Focus on yourself and be a little more selfish. I’m not saying to become a player, or to treat the girl badly. You should always respect them. What I am saying is to focus on your wants and needs first. When you have an established girlfriend or partner, THEN you can move yourself down to second place and put her first.
Check out: How to love yourself and be confident
Have A Plan:
Now that you’re showing yourself more love, it’s time to get things done. If your crush seemed interested in your assertive vie for affection, put a plan into action. Take her on a date AS LONG AS she knows it’s a date. This isn’t the same as your nice-guy-surprise-picnic. This is you telling her you’re going to take her out for a nice dinner, at a set time and place, on your plans and terms. Girls appreciate a guy who takes charge here and there. You aren’t going to turn into dictator of love-land, just put a small plan into confident action. If your crush doesn’t seem ready to jump into your loving embrace just yet, you can still take action in your own life. Pursue a hobby that you’ve always liked, or make some out of the ordinary plans with your friends. This girl is going to be taking note of how you act independently, so it’s vital to pave your own path and start walking on it.
Why Action is Important:
Another reason that assertion and action are so important is that it shows that you are organized and have things going on. You wouldn’t be so set on a time and date if you didn’t have other things on your schedule. You never want to be overly available. Nice guys are always available for their love interest. They would drop everything and anything to help that girl with her most trivial situations. This loyalty is one of a kind and very ideal… if you’re dating or married. Since you’ve just barely escaped the friendzone, you’re going to have to make it clear that you aren’t someone to put on speed dial just yet. Women are smart, complex individuals. They like a challenge and can rise to the occasion. Being a little hard to get, shows that your life doesn’t revolve around chasing this person. There are more fish in the sea, and you aren’t about to swim across the ocean searching for one Nemo. Leave that to Marlin.
If you’re interested check out: How to talk to your crush instantly
Have More Options:
But let’s say you were condemned to the friend-zone with this girl before you saw this life-saving video. This girl may not feel too differently about your assertion. Don’t fret, there is still hope. A true way to be less of a nice guy is to expand your group of friends… specifically by adding on more female friends, if you’re crush is a female. Let’s clarify here though, I am not telling you to enter the friendzone of every female you meet. This will not make you sexier to your initial crush. But you can make female friends who likes to be flirty. Lots of friends flirt in many social circles. While it doesn’t mean that you’re committing to dating all of them, it does leave the door open for a future romantic relationship if the cards align. By having these types of female friendships, you get a triple benefit. First, you will show your crush that you are more than just a brotherly BFF to females, and you aren’t going to sit around waiting for her forever. As a second benefit, maybe you WILL find a different girl who sees you with wanting eyes. Who knows, you might meet someone who is ten times better suited for you! And third, you get to practice flirting with people and get comfortable. Life is all about learning and gaining experiences. If you can do that, you’ll find a partner in no time.
Show Less Interest, Not “NO” Interest:
And as you start to get busier with your own life, friends and hobbies, this next step may come more naturally than you’d think. To stop being a nice guy you must slowly show less interest. Do NOT go from 100 to 0 and leave this girl thinking you’ve totally lost interest. Remember, you’re showing less interest, not NO interest. For example, there’s no need to always be the first person to initiate conversation or to check in to see how she’s doing. Communication works both ways. While you may have 100 compliments in mind to give her, the occasional one will suffice. Keep some compliments in your bag for later. If they reciprocate, shot them right back.
Don’t Be Emotional:
Also, distancing yourself emotionally is another key to stop being seen as “the nice guy”. Now, don’t lock up your heart and throw away the key. You have feelings and they should be displayed too. We should share them in a space we feel comfortable, accepted and safe. This is found in a secure and stable relationship, not by sharing secrets with a girl who treats you like a diary she uses to vent. You don’t need to share your biggest fears with a girl who looks at you like a hurt puppy. Stop with the deep, intense talks and replace it with some general flirting. It may sound weird, but all you’re doing is taking the reigns and reminding this girl of what you two are; friends with chemistry. She’s got to pass the first flirty steps before getting the boyfriend treasure box of emotional connection.
If you’re interested, check out: How to tell if a girl likes you in school
Conclusion:
Overall, an important thing to take away from all of this, is that it’s not a bad thing to be nice. It’s nice to be nice. But being a nice person doesn’t mean that you have to be known as “THE NICE GUY”. Independence, confidence and an air of charm are key things that can push you over the friendzone wall and into some loving arms. Then, once you’re there, you can go back to letting out that overflowing river of affection that nice guys usually give. So, if being nice didn’t plan out at first, maybe consider taking a few steps back and change up your tactics. Then you’ll be on your way to stop being a nice guy.