Have you ever had to give a presentation in front of a class or a group of colleagues? If so, I bet most of you would relate to small feelings of nervousness or even anxiety. Now, add romantic feelings to the mix and you’re getting a whole other side of nerves; ones that twist your stomach in knots, blur your thinking, and suddenly make it feel like it’s 100° in the room. Did someone turn on the heat or is it just me? Luckily, there are ways to tame these feelings. If you’re new to the flirting or dating scene and need to calm your nerves around the ladies, today we’re talking about how not to be nervous around a girl in six simple steps.
1. Look your best.
A lot of the time, how we feel on the inside is reflected on the outside. People who are well put together tend to have lives that are more or less structured, whereas people who look like they just rolled out of bed probably did and don’t have much going on for them – at least not that day. That’s why the first step to becoming more relaxed around the ladies is to work on your physical appearance. If you are well put together and neat, other people are more likely to approach you.
I know I am much more open to speaking to someone who looks like they brushed their teeth and looked in the mirror this morning than someone who stinks or looks like they’re wearing pajamas out in public. It’s just the way it is. Do a spring cleaning of your wardrobe, get a fresh cut, trim that gangly beard, and work on your posture. You’ll be surprised at all the ways these external aspects start to improve your internal confidence. If you’re working on your appearance and want to know how it’s going, we also made a video about the ten signs that show you’re an attractive man.
2. Start with the people you see every day.
Chances are, if you’re nervous around a girl or girls in general you’re probably nervous around other groups of people too. Whether or not this is the case, you can get in some good practice in your day-to-day life before you run into that special girl by speaking to the other men and women in your life. Make small talk with the person who makes your coffee in the morning, chat with the secretary at the office you have an appointment in, or ask the cashier how her day is going. Every little conversation is another experience to add to your toolbox to help you loosen up and take a step closer to being a people person.
I used to be super shy when I was younger and then as I got older, I started speaking to more and more people. Eventually, I lost all sense of embarrassment and adopted the mindset that other people will either like me or they won’t, and, since I’m a nice and extroverted person, if they don’t like me, it’s their problem. I’ve got to say it’s worked pretty well since, so I hope something similar can happen to you too, so long as you practice.
3. Try to gather intel on her interests.
When you’re chatting with someone and the conversation is flowing, it’s much harder to feel nervous because things feel natural. I’ve met guys before who try to talk to me about really niche topics that I have no clue about and, even if I am interested, these conversations tend to die out quickly and it gets awkward. On the other hand, I’ve had guys start to talk about travel or outdoor adventures – two things that I love – and suddenly an hour passes by in the blink of an eye. This is why gathering intel on her interests will help you make sure the conversation flows.
You can do this in two ways. The first preparation method is by getting to know her through mutual friends or her social media to gauge her general public interests. If you’re on the braver, more spontaneous side, you could also do this during your conversation with her by asking her about how she spends her free time or by bringing up a controversial popular topic and tuning into her response. Whatever you do, don’t force the conversation. If you don’t agree with her or you two are completely different people when it comes to interests, accept it and go from there.
4. Improve your emotional regulation.
When it comes down to it, being nervous is a physical response to an emotional state. Usually, the state is some sort of fear. Maybe it’s fear of embarrassment or saying the wrong thing or experiencing an awkward situation. One of the best solutions is learning how to regulate your physical body around tense emotional states. One of the best ways to do this is through deep breathing exercises. Take deep breaths, making sure to extend your belly during the inhale. Inhale for four counts, hold for four, and exhale for four. Doing this before the conversation for a few rounds will help calm you physically and center you mentally. If, during the conversation, something suddenly throws you off, breathe in deeply, exhale, and then respond. This gap will allow you to process what’s happening and respond more adequately and logically.
5. Touch base with her friends.
If you have one girl in mind who you’re prepping to speak to, a good way to practice is by speaking with her friends instead. Girls run in packs and we tend to be similar to our pack. I had my three best girlfriends from high school who continue to be my friends today. Let me tell you, we were similar. We shared similar hobbies, interests in guys, conversation topics, and the like.
If you have the chance to chat with her friends in passing or if you guys have any mutual friends, make small talk with them to get a gist of the conversations that might come up when you speak with this girl. This girl might even come up in the conversation herself, which is a great time to learn more about her. See if you can find out more about her character and even her romantic interests. If you’re lucky, her friends will encourage you to speak to her, which is a great sign!
Check out: How to reconnect with someone
6. Remember that there are millions of her in the world.
Ok, before you beat me up on this one, I know that this girl is unique and one of a kind and there’s nobody else like her and blah, blah, blah, but I’m trying to say that there are millions of other girls similar to her in this world. This means that you’re not prepping to speak to the president or the queen of England – RIP. She is just a girl. If you mess up or say some things, just keep going because it’s a human conversation. Hiccups in conversation could happen with anyone, crush or not, but the practice you get by trying is going to be so useful for the rest of your life in hundreds of other interactions. No matter how it goes, it’s a win so long as you try.
Conclusion:
Learning how not to be nervous in front of a girl is a lot harder than it sounds. I have never been a great public speaker myself and I even took some classes for it, and it was still tough. Even so, the most important thing is just to put yourself out there and try. The more you try, the easier it gets – I promise. If you have any other helpful tips for dealing with nerves around a girl, I’d love to hear about them in the comments!