There’s nothing quite like love, and there is definitely nothing like heartbreak. Moving past a relationship is rarely easy, but people do it every day so I am sure you can too. Here’s how to move on from a relationship in 6 simple steps. These can’t be done in one day, so be patient. One step at a time. You’ve got this.
1. Think through the past, present, and future.
Every relationship should teach you a lesson. Good, bad, or something in between. You fell for this person for a reason and things ended for a reason, and these are takeaways that can help you find the person who is meant for you in the long run. Take some time, grab some tissues, and get a pen and paper ready. It’s time to process. Don’t just think about it – write about it.
First, write what you enjoyed about this relationship. These are things you can and WILL find in someone else, eventually.
Next, think about where you are now. You want to move on from the relationship because something about it isn’t working – something about it is destroying your peace of mind. Process that and list what those things are. These may be make-or-break things you won’t accept in any future relationship.
Finally, take a few minutes to think about your new, hopeful future. Don’t focus on the future without this person. Instead, try to envision a future where you’re with a perfect person. And, no, I do NOT mean to envision if your current person was perfect. They aren’t. You are going to imagine someone new with all the qualities you want and need. This is the person you need to attract and have, and you will. But first, you need a clear image of who they are and how they act.
Once you are clear on what happened, why, and where you want to go from here, you’re ready for step number two.
2. Make a plan.
If you haven’t moved on from a relationship already, you’re either still connected to this person by seeing or speaking to them or you haven’t fully removed them from your life in another way. We’ll tackle both things in this step.
First, let’s start with cleaning up your space and phone. Moving on means trying not to focus on this person more than necessary. You don’t want to be reminded of them every hour of every day – or every day in general – because this could easily open a can of worms to make you reconnect with them. Out of sight, out of mind, out of heart. Go through your home and room and get rid of anything that reminds you of them. Photos, gifts, anything. If you aren’t ready to throw it out, put it all in a box and stuff it in the back of your closet. Out of sight, out of mind, out of heart.
Next, pull out your phone. Oh yeah, this one is going to hurt. How many photos do you have with or of this person? Probably a ton. It’s time. Again, if you’re too sentimental, move them to your laptop and store them in a hidden folder or on a USB, but get them off your phone. You don’t need daily memory reminders of this person to get you in your feels. Get rid of your photos together, archive or delete the couple pics off of your social media, and consider muting or unfollowing them in general to keep your peace of mind. It’s hard, but it’s healthy. Trust me. Cyber-stalking an ex will not help you move on! I have made this mistake in the past, so I get it. I would be on my ex’s socials every week seeing who he was following and what he was posting. I was also posting to see if he would watch my story. Yes, embarrassing, but true. We’ve all done it. Well, most of us. Did it help? No. It made me nuts and destroyed my mental peace. Don’t be me. Be better than me!
Ok… finally, it’s time to think through your next step, which is the break-up, cut-it-off conversation. If you’re still speaking to this person, dating them, or connected in any way, it’s time to cut the cord. It won’t be easy, so you’ll need to think it through as best you can. Let’s go through it together.
3. Have the conversation.
Cutting off ties is best done in person. Texts can go unanswered and calls can be hung up on. If you have no face-to-face option, it is what it is, but try to see this person face-to-face. Choose a spot that is quiet and, preferably, not public. Try not to divulge too much information before you meet – AKA, don’t tell them the direct purpose of the meeting. Just say you want to talk or see them as naturally as possible.
Know what you’re going to say and keep it short. You want to get to the point, not run in circles or open up the topic to other conversations. Use statements that start with “I,” like saying, “I feel BLANK and, because of this, I think it’s healthiest if we part ways. I still care about you as a person and wish you nothing but the best, but we can’t BLANK anymore.”
Be prepared for their rebuttal. You know them best. They may try to negotiate, get mean, cry, or simply accept what you say. No matter what, it’s important to stick to your guns. Don’t hang around much longer than you need to, or they may break you down.
Check out: 10 Signs it’s time to let someone go
4. Cut contact and set boundaries.
Once you’re out of there, it’s time to finish the deed. You’ve cut contact verbally but you need to walk the walk. This means sticking to your word. If you told them you aren’t going to reach out anymore, you don’t reach out anymore. Have a backup plan. When you want to talk to them, have a list of friends you call instead and have them talk you off the ledge. If the other person is the problem and keeps reaching out to you, you can reply by saying the same thing you said in person and reiterating that you can’t stay connected. In a worst-case scenario, you can tell them you will have to block them if they keep pushing. I try not to advocate for blocking because, honestly, it’s pretty immature and extreme. You are both adults and should be able to act like them. At least, in theory.
No matter how you decide to respond, just keep those boundaries strong!
5. Lean on your community and stay busy.
Your friends are your friends for a reason. Lean on them when you find it hard to stay away from your person or if you second-guess your decision to move on. Have a list of people you can call and say “yes” to as many plans as possible within your schedule. Idle hands are the devil’s playthings, and too much time will have you too deep in your thoughts or too deep into that person’s social media. Plus, by going out you’ll be able to experience new opportunities and meet new people you otherwise may not have thought possible. You’ll never move on if you can’t make a move out of your bedroom. One step at a time – literally!
6. Give yourself grace.
Moving on from a relationship is tough stuff. Disconnecting usually takes time and, sometimes, it even takes a few attempts. Take it from me, I’ve been there and done that. During the process, just give yourself some grace. Let yourself feel the feels and don’t feel bad about any setbacks. Eventually, if you just keep trying, you WILL cut that cord and feel the freedom of moving on. I know you will.