Narcissists are something else – and not in a good way. They exhibit an inflated sense of self-importance, a huge lack of empathy, and a level of manipulation that almost cannot be beaten. There are some tactics you can use to learn how to manipulate a narcissist, but in reality, you are just fighting fire with fire and things could get ugly. These nine strategies will help you win a one-on-one battle with a narcissist but know that the ultimate solution at the end of the day is stepping away from them altogether if you can. Until then, here’s how to manipulate a narcissist so you can avoid their jabs and keep your head held high.
1. Communicate assertively.
Narcissists thrive in the face of timid or soft-spoken individuals. By the way, there is a difference between someone who is just toxic and someone who is a narcissist. Learn more about this in another video we have called, “10 Things Toxic People Say.”
As for narcissists, they are the predator and timid people are their prey. A true narcissist is thrown for a loop when spoken to assertively, as this makes them switch strategies and reassess you as a possible accomplice instead of prey. You can be assertive by stating your boundaries firmly and expressing your needs and concerns in the same way. It’s not about being aggressive – after all, you’re not trying to fight this narcissist, you’re trying to manipulate them.
I once dealt with a narcissistic co-worker who loved to take credit for other people’s work. She once took credit for a wonderful idea that my other co-worker, Elaine, had come up with. Elaine had dealt with this woman plenty of times and finally had enough. She firmly, yet respectfully called out the narcissist in the meeting by saying, “I’m sorry, I think you may have forgotten that I introduced this idea during our department meeting last Tuesday. I believe those in attendance can clarify.” You should have seen the look on the narcissist’s face! It was priceless.
2. Feed their ego at the appropriate times.
Narcissists thrive on admiration and validation. I ain’t no narcissist, but I would love it if you could also feed my ego with a like and by subscribing to this channel. You’re the best either way!
Anyway, by strategically providing a narcissist with compliments or acknowledging their achievements, you can keep their ego satisfied while potentially reducing their need to manipulate others for attention. It’s almost like defensive manipulation to deflect any attacks by the narcissist. Whatever you do, know that it is crucial to do this sparingly and only when necessary to maintain peace or accomplish a goal. Feed a narcissist too many compliments and they become an even bigger ego-inflated monster who sees you as a bug at their feet.
3. Practice detachment.
Emotional detachment can help protect your well-being when dealing with a narcissist, and it also gives them a taste of their own medicine. By detaching yourself from their attempts to provoke a reaction or hurt your feelings, you maintain your emotional well-being and gain some power in the dynamic.
Let’s take the ever-so-common instance of that one family member who always has something hurtful to say. Their narcissistic behavior kicks in again at Thanksgiving when they try to belittle your accomplishments or ask why you haven’t done X, Y, and Z with your life yet. Instead of taking the bait, try detaching yourself emotionally. It will take some effort and a deep breath, but you can take the time to realize that their words are a reflection of their insecurities and not of your worth. Respond by lightening the mood with a joke or brushing it off as if the comment wasn’t heard or important.
4. Practice self-care and prioritize yourself, regardless of their response.
Taking care of yourself and prioritizing your well-being is essential at all times, but even more so when dealing with a narcissist. You can do this by participating in activities that bring you joy, maintaining healthy relationships outside of the narcissistic dynamic, and seeking therapy or support if needed. By focusing on your happiness and self-worth, you become less susceptible to a narcissist’s manipulation. I learned this the hard way while in a toxic relationship with a narcissistic partner. When I started prioritizing my needs and taking care of myself, their attempts to control and manipulate me lost their power. Thank goodness!
5. Ask them for big favors in a public setting.
Narcissists love to be seen as the top dog of any party, and this includes wanting to keep up a façade of being generous and helpful in the public eye. When you request significant favors or assistance from a narcissist in front of others, you put them in a position where saying no will damage their carefully crafted image. This strategy can help prevent them from mistreating you or attempting to manipulate you in front of others. Imagine you’re stuck in the same situation as my co-worker, with a narcissistic colleague or boss. During a team meeting, you could request their assistance with a challenging project, knowing that a refusal would poorly reflect their leadership or teamwork skills.
Check out: Toxic relationship quiz
6. Agree with them when attacked.
When a narcissist attacks or criticizes you, an unexpected response is to agree with their statement. This catches them off guard and, since they will be momentarily stunned, it undermines their attempt to control you. By agreeing with their criticism, you disarm them and potentially confuse them enough to back off. I remember a situation where a narcissistic friend accused me of being selfish and uncaring. Instead of defending myself, I simply responded with a calm agreement, acknowledging that I could sometimes be selfish and was working on it. This unexpected response deflated their attack and diffused the tension. Of course, don’t admit to doing anything insanely wrong or crazy, but you could always tell them that they bring up an interesting point and that you’re looking forward to reflecting on it later. There’s not much someone can respond to that.
7. Remain oddly calm.
Narcissists often thrive on creating chaos and provoking emotional reactions. By maintaining a calm and composed demeanor, you deny them the satisfaction of seeing you upset or rattled. This disrupts their manipulative tactics and gives you the upper hand in the situation. Since narcissists love being seen as better than others, they will have a difficult time feeling better than someone who responds with such a cool head. Cool as a cucumber, my friend. This is a winning move in the narcissist game of chess.
8. Refuse to play their games.
Dealing with a narcissist means playing a game of emotions and strategy. They may try to provoke you, engage in power struggles, or create drama to keep you off balance. By staying focused on your goals, maintaining your integrity, and not getting drawn into their web of manipulation, you take away their power. Take the instance of the typical narcissist who loves to gossip and spread lies or negative impressions. Instead of playing into it and getting caught up in the drama, distance yourself and let those manipulative tactics fizzle out. As another plus, your integrity remains intact for all to see!
9. Cut ties.
While manipulating a narcissist may provide temporary relief or give you a sense of control, it’s crucial to recognize that the ultimate solution lies in stepping away from them altogether. Sometimes, the best course of action is to sever ties with a narcissistic individual for the sake of your well-being. This can be challenging, especially if you have a long history or are tied together by family or other responsibilities, but it is necessary to protect yourself in the long run. It isn’t always easy, but it’s almost always worth it for your mental health.
Check out: 10 Signs you’re becoming toxic
Conclusion:
Dealing with a narcissist requires some rough tactics, causing you to fight fire with fire. Standing up for yourself in the right way can be tough, but I’m sure some of these strategies will be able to help. In the scheme of things, I also hope you reach a point where this narcissist chooses to change or leaves your life for the better. You got this!