Different moments in life might make you feel like you´re a bit, well, lonely. This may be due to moving to a new place, ending a relationship or friendship, or because you´ve been an introvert who’s stayed in most of the time, or because during a pandemic we just lost friends. Human beings are social creatures, well for the most part. We are designed to make social connections! If you feel like you´re lacking in this part of your life, then this video might help you out after quarantine or maybe during the quarantine. Who knows. So here´s your step-by-step process on how to make new friends.
Step 1: Understand yourself.
This step is important because you can’t make friends if you both don’t get along. Ask yourself, what qualities you look for in a friend. Is it necessary that they´re funny? Or, maybe you prefer someone who is more mature. Once you can narrow down some characteristics, think about what positive qualities you have to share with others too. Friendship is a give and take, so you´ll need to make sure that you understand yourself first so you can take on a new friend in your life. Personal growth is always in style!
Check out: How introverts make friends
Step 2: Be more open and say “yes” more often.
If you’re looking for new friends, then you should probably be more open-minded, so you can actually accept new friends. Be willing to go to different places, do things that you normally don’t, or if you can’t, be willing to hang out online. You would need a completely different mindset when searching for new friends. People normally like others who are friendly and approachable, and if you keep saying, “no” then you’re just limiting your options in life. Once you achieve this, move onto the next step.
Step 3: Talk to people, like everyone.
At this point, you should by now have put yourself out there if you have become more open during step 2. Now it’s time to put yourself out there verbally or digitally. You need to take the first step and strike up a conversation. You can always start up with the typical “How are you?” or send a funny meme. Or talk about anything that’s happening right now, in this moment, just to make small talk. The idea is just to talk and talk. Practice makes perfect. Sooner or later, you’ll start to become more comfortable talking to people. And if you want to know how to make small talk, I have an article on that. You can check it out if you like. Also, stay engaged and make sure to use active listening skills, like nodding along and asking questions.
Related: 10 Easy conversation starters that always work
Step 4: Find some common interests.
Now that you’re able to talk to different people, the conversation should naturally flow towards conversation topics that either of you like. If you have something that you like and you want to share, let them know. It could be your love for art, cooking, or basketball. Then see if you both connect on these topics. If you do click with someone, make sure to ask that person for their contact information. There’s no point in chatting up a storm if you never reach out to each other person again if you’re goal is to make new friends. Hopefully, you’ll be able to find some more common ground if you want a long-term friend. If it doesn’t seem like you two have anything in common, that’s okay. Friendships can’t be forced, so don’t force it.
Step 5: Follow up, meet up, and hang out.
Now that you have this person’s contact info, don’t be shy. Reach out and have a few conversations digitally. Using the common interests that you both share, which would be easy to strike up a conversation. Set a date to do these activities together, if it’s something that you both can do. Whether it’s a relationship or friendship, you want to build XP points together because this way, you both would have more stuff to talk about in the future and bond on a deeper level.
Check out: Social skills training for adults
Step 6: Be open and be yourself.
Once you pass the small talk, it’s important to be willing to share more about yourself in order to make a connection more personal. Anyone can talk about the weather and that gets old pretty fast. Start sharing more about your personal life and see if they are willing to share some of theirs with you. If not, it’s okay, give them some time since they are your new friend anyway. Being honest will only create a stronger bond between you and your new friend, so make sure to stay genuine. And, remember, you can be honest without being rude. I’m not saying to go and tell your new friend that you hate their new haircut.
Step 7: Rinse and repeat.
Just like the shampoo bottles have been training us for decades, it’s time to rinse and repeat this cycle. Did you know that, on average, a friendship will last 7 years? Of course, some are less and some are more, but the average connection will only last 7 years. Now, that may sound surprising to you now, but as we get older, life gets busier and friendships take more effort to maintain. It will be normal for some friendships to fade. No matter what stage of life you’re in, you can always refer back to this cycle if you feel that your social circle could use some expanding.
Conclusion:
Overall, making friends can seem tough. When you’re five years old, it’s easy to connect with others. Then it seems like the older we get, the more complicated this process gets, BUT that is not the case. The only thing that changes is that we have to put in a little more effort into creating that new bond since our lives get busier as we grow up. Once you do, though, the laughs, good memories, and shared joys are just as bright as they were way back then. It’s an awesome thing to do, and it will expand both your mind and your social life!