Self-confidence, body positivity, and just overall self-esteem are all complicated issues that now more than ever are being brought into the public spotlight and awareness. But even as we grow more aware of the issue of self-esteem and confidence, we are nowadays more than ever living in an environment designed to thrive on our lack thereof – advertisements assure us that we are ugly if we do not buy certain products, wear certain clothes, exercise or eat a certain way, or have a certain body type. Anyone who doesn’t fit these images of an “attractive” person, or who isn’t actively trying to achieve this state of existence, can be made to feel like they are lazy, unworthy of attention, or simply hideous.
In addition to this, the omnipresence of the Internet, with information, photos, videos, and news from all corners of the globe right at our fingertips, constantly shows us people who would ordinarily be incredible exceptions to the “average” lifestyle: a 12-year old girl from a third world country who is a world chess champion, a young man who was accepted into all eight Ivy League university during his college application process, incredible music prodigies, and more. Thus, it is incredibly easy to become downhearted at our own “less-than-optimal” existences in comparison to these incredible and impressive stories, rather than becoming inspired. Sometimes, we can despair, and wonder why we aren’t “doing more” to be more impressive or well-rounded. And once we begin to go down this route, it’s easy to fall into an endless cycle of self-hate and self-loathing.
However, there are techniques, strategies, practices, and ways of thinking and reflection that can help you be more confident, sure of yourself, as well as to help you appreciate even the flaws that ultimately make you, you.*
*It should be noted that in severe cases of self-loathing and lack of self-esteem, professional counseling and help is always available and should be sought out if necessary.
EASE UP
First thing’s first; ease up! Would you speak to your best friend, or your dog, or your parents the same way you’re thinking about yourself? It may be challenging at first, but actively stopping yourself whenever you catch yourself thinking negative or toxic thoughts about yourself is a good habit to get into the practice of. Just the recognition of when you are beginning to cut yourself down is a good first step to learning to lift yourself up instead, though it may be quite challenging at first, and can feel a little pointless.
STOP THE HATE
Another thing to keep in mind is to simply stop hating things about yourself. Your soft voice, or acne, or lifestyle aren’t negative things about yourself – they are simply characteristics of yourself that make you you, nothing any worse than the shape of your ears, or how many eyebrow hairs you have. Rather than thinking of things as negative attributes about yourself, just think of them as attributes that are. Once you can feel neutrally about them, then you can start to push yourself to feel positively about them! The shift from hating to loving yourself is a big one, and will require lots of small steps in between.
FOCUS ON THE POSITIVES
However, on the flip side, it does help to focus on your positive attributes! That means the things you like about yourself, the things that you are good at – focus on them, and really recognize that there are truly good, admirable. Even if it seems like something small or insignificant to you, you should still try to appreciate it. You never know how you look to someone else’s eyes! The way you wrinkle your nose when you sneeze may be incredibly endearing to someone else, or the fact that you manage to go to bed every night at a reasonable hour could be an incredible display of organization and self-discipline to another. If it helps to really bring home the point or to have something concrete to focus on, make an actual list of things that you like about yourself. Writing it down can help you really zone in and focus on what your strengths are.
WRITE IT DOWN
Writing about your weaknesses, as well, can be useful. Rather than making a list of things to hate or change about yourself, think about it as a list of goals that you’d like to achieve in your life and in your lifestyle. One example could be writing down a goal of, “speaking with more confidence and authority at work”, rather than writing down the negative attribute of “soft spoken”. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to make changes to yourself or your life, but the important thing is to think of them as changes, not necessarily only as improvements. That way, on the chance that one of these changes takes more time or effort than anticipated, you don’t become overly disheartened when that change doesn’t come about right away. Additionally, the fact that you even made a list is something admirable in itself and something to be proud of! The organization, discipline, and self-awareness needed for this process isn’t easy for everybody, and if you can do it, then go ahead and give yourself a pat on the back. Some of these goals don’t necessarily have to be huge, life-altering changes either! They can simply be, “I want to fold my clothes more nicely.”, or, “I want to drink more water each day.” Once you start small and achieve these targets, you can slowly build yourself up to make bigger changes to your lifestyle as you see fit! The more progress you make, the higher your confidence will grow.
TALK TO PEOPLE
One other tip to increasing your self-confidence and self-esteem is simply to talk to and interact with more people. This may seem particularly daunting, but the more people you interact with and learn about, the more you’ll learn about all sorts of lifestyles, personalities, and backgrounds. Giving yourself some perspective about the world and the people in it can help you recognize that you don’t need to be so hard on yourself – you are just one person, and all of humanity falls on a broad, complex spectrum of personalities, lifestyles, appearances, and motivations. Additionally, learning about other people’s perspectives and opinions can give you insight into how to conquer your own personal obstacles and goals. Maybe someone has experience with public speaking seminars, or someone else has a trick to eating more vegetables regularly.
CONCLUSION
At the end of the day, there are nearly eight billion humans on this planet, and you are the only one of you. Every part of you, even the parts that you think are ugly or unpleasant, make up your entire existence and personality, and set you apart from each of the other eight billion humans in this world. Once you recognize that you are wonderfully, incredibly unique and special in your own way, then you can conquer the world and anything that you set your mind to.