The pickier you are with who you date, the higher the standard. I’m not saying you should act like royalty and treat everyone like paupers, but set the bar and keep it firm. Dating someone means giving them your energy and – more importantly – your heart. This person needs to be deserving and responsible enough to balance both of those things and return them intact. Here’s how to know if you should date someone in 8 analytical steps.
1. Know your non-negotiables and make sure they meet them.
Non-negotiables are things you absolutely 100% cannot accept in a boyfriend or girlfriend. For some, this could be something simple like smoking or partying. For others, it may be more personal, like avoiding partners who are unreliable with their plans because it’s a trigger from the past. Everyone has non-negotiables. Let me rephrase. Everyone would benefit from recognizing their non-negotiables. I would say it’s normal to have at least two or three.
Sit down and do some legitimate self-reflection. What are yours? If this person has any of them – NEXT!
2. Notice their effort.
Along the same lines, effort is everything. They say the beginning stages of a relationship is when each person gives their very best to impress. Even though I’m not a fan, it seems to be the case most of the time. Meh.
That being said, what you get at the beginning might be the best you’ll ever get. I hope more for you, but let’s be a bit realist-pessimist here. Are you happy with the effort? What if this effort was cut in half, would that still be enough? If not… NEXT!
By the way, if you do decide that this person isn’t putting in the effort you deserve, check out another video to help called, “How to Stop Thinking About Someone Who Doesn’t Care About You.”
3. Learn about their family and romantic history.
Before you date someone or on one of your first dates, it’s important to listen more than you speak and, when you do speak, focus on questions. This is going to give you the best insight on where to go from here. Family and romantic history are so important.
Let’s start with family. Unless you left home at a young age and did a lot of therapy work on yourself, your family probably still influences how you behave in life and relationships. Without getting too Freudian on you, know that everyone’s relationship with their primary caretakers – AKA mom and dad – will have some sort of effect on how they treat their loved ones. Try to gather if there’s any trauma and whether or not this person is dealing with it or just ignoring it (red flag on the latter).
You don’t need all of the details on the romantic history, but knowing how many relationships they’ve had, for how long, and why they didn’t work out is useful. For example, if they’ve had six exes but only dated each of them for less than two years at a time, this is a red flag. They never make it past the lovey-dovey in-love stage, which means they may not be mature enough to do so quite yet. NEXT!
4. Ask what they’re working towards.
I’m working towards keeping this channel going with my favorite viewers! Could you help us out by hitting that thumbs-up button? You know I appreciate you!
Now, about what this guy or girl is working towards. The older you are, the more important this question is. Does this person plan to relocate in a year? Fly by the seat of their pants? Stay in the same town forever and have kids in the next five years? Or never have kids at all? These are things that could make or break a future together, regardless of how much love there is. If their vision doesn’t align with yours whatsoever… NEXT!
5. Casually ask your friends what they think of that person.
Choose one or two good friends who you trust.
People with honest characters who you wouldn’t mind being like. Side note – never ask advice from someone whose shoes you would not want to be in.
Anyway, tell this person you’re interested in so-and-so and ask them what they think of them. Take it to heart and mull it over. Sometimes we are blinded by crushes and an outsider can give us a perspective we were completely blind to. NEXT!
Check out: How do you know when you love someone?
6. Test their communication skills.
As you’re (hopefully) getting to know this person by hanging out or texting, it’s time to take a peek into their communication skills. Do they answer within a reasonable amount of time or do they sometimes leave you hanging or reply the next day with no explanation? If you say something they might not like, do they A) ignore you, B) get snotty, or C) have patience and ask you to elaborate? If they can’t even provide solid communication at the beginning, then it’s a next for me, dog.
7. Be realistic about their flaws.
When we get crushes on people, we tend to idealize them with our pretty rose-colored glasses. He’s not lazy, he’s just so tired from his long, normal eight-hour shift in the office. She’s not mean, she’s just from New York. They’re not cheap, they’re just super minimalist. He’s not forgetful he’s just living in the moment. No, people. These are real flaws – don’t make excuses. NEXT!
8. Do NOT fall for potential.
This last one is a word of advice from personal experience. Who you meet is who you date. Everyone has potential. Most people don’t end up utilizing it. Don’t fall in love with it. What is he or she doing today? Is that enough? What do their actions say? Not their words.
If this person stayed exactly the same for the next ten years, would they be enough for you romantically? If the answer is yes, then shoot your dating shot. If the answer is no, you already know what I’m going to say… NEXT!
Check out: How to know if someone is obsessed with you?
Dating is a process. I hope you can use these eight analytical strategies to decide if this person is truly worth your time, energy, and effort because you deserve the world and nothing less.