We use the word obsessed a lot nowadays. Cute shirt? I’m obsessed. Hot celebrity? We are obsessed. That work-from-home life? Obsessed, sign me up. The thing is, we aren’t actually obsessed – we just like those things. There’s a difference, and it becomes real intense when we’re talking about people.
If you’re curious how to know if someone is obsessed with you, you’re in the right place. If you just want to know if someone likes you, then check out another post we made called “10 Signs He Likes You More Than You Think” or “10 Clear Signs Someone Likes You.”
Now, on to the intense stuff – passionate, wild, uncontrollable obsession. Here are five criteria on how to know if someone is obsessed with you.
1. You see them everywhere.
Having an obsession means someone has lost control over their feelings. In this situation, it’s their feelings about you, which means it started with a little interest and grew into this uncontrollable snowball that now rules their daily thoughts. It sounds pretty creepy when I say it like that because obsessions are creepy. Don’t forget every stalker starts with an obsession – just sayin’.
Whether this person is truly stalking you or just trying to run into you, I don’t know. What I do know is that you’re going to be seeing a lot of them. You will run into them in places where it makes sense, like the local grocery store or mall. But, you’ll also run into them in places where it’s just too weird, like at the library exactly at the same time you meet your book club every week or at the park during your early-morning jogs.
If you know them well enough, they’ll try to start a conversation to ask what you’re doing there. It sounds like small talk, but it’s to hear you talk about what you like so they can tell you they like it too. For example, if they catch you while you’re working out, they may mention that they also like to jog, bike, or whatever it is you’re doing. They will go out of their way to show you that you are both compatible.
Now, if you don’t know them all that well, then you’re probably noticing them in the background and getting kind of a creeped-out feeling from it. You may even uncomfortably catch them staring at you from afar on more than one occasion.
Finally, you’ll also see them everywhere online. On your Instagram followers, on your Facebook friend request list, on your LinkedIn page, and liking your posts on X, formerly known as Twitter.
If you get the feeling that you just can’t shake them in the real world and online, you’ve got an obsessed onlooker on your hands.
2. They know things about you that you didn’t tell them.
Whenever you do end up talking to this person – and you will – listen closely to what they know about you. If this guy or girl is really obsessed with you, they already know everything there is to know about you from stalking you online. If your profiles are public, forget about it. They know your closest friends, where you went to school, what hobbies you like, who you dated, your interests, your icks, and your youngest brother’s middle name. The internet is a scary place when it comes to obsessions. Did you know someone could even get your home address by digging into the photos that you post? Be careful out there fam.
Now, let’s clear the air. Most of us have researched someone online just to learn more about them when we first meet them. This is normal. The difference is when a person starts digging for minute details and spends hours combing through all forms of socials and continues to do so with any of your new posts.
Maybe this person starts talking to you about music and asks about a recent concert you went to. Think about it. How would they know you’ve been to a concert unless they saw that picture you were tagged in last weekend on IG with your best friend?
Or maybe you’re talking about their pet and suddenly they ask you what kind of dog breed you own but you don’t remember ever mentioning your pup in the first place. These small slips are bound to happen because this person has way more information about you in their brain than your mouth has ever shared. O-B-S-E-S-S-E-D. What does that spell? You already know.
3. You’re very obviously the apple of their eye.
There are two types of obsessions. The blatant ones and the shy ones. Shy ones are going to be staring at you as if you’re an alien any time you’re in the room but they may only have the guts to speak to you via text or messages or when other people aren’t around. These are usually people with lower self-confidence, but it’s still an obsession.
The blatant obsessions, though, are a new level of intense. This person will come up to you whenever they see you and try to talk to you no matter who is around. Or worse, they may get jealous of who is around and make it seem like you two are two peas in a pod so other people back off. This can get dangerous.
A few months ago, I met a guy who I will call Brian. Brian was a part of a larger group I would see weekly and he was usually by himself so I made the mistake of being nice. Sadly, women have to be careful who they are nice to because some guys take it the wrong way and get a little cuckoo. Brian was a bit like this. Since I was nice to him a few times he took it the wrong way and decided it was his cue to smother me. Not literally… thank goodness. But then every time I entered a room where Brian was – which was always a large group setting – he would flock to me like a bee to a hive. I would see him spot me and suddenly make swift steps towards me. Then, no matter who I was talking to – I swear it could have been the Queen of England – Brian would step in, say hello, and just stand there. That is the weirdest part. He would interrupt my conversations and just stand in the middle of me and the other person and stare. I don’t think Brian is 100% socially normal and I will always do my best to be respectful, but I now try to avoid him because it’s just too much. I don’t necessarily think Brian is obsessed, but this kind of “apple of their eye” behavior is what you’ll see when someone is.
4. They don’t take the hint.
Ok, so I started avoiding Brian a bit more and if he did interrupt my conversation with a close friend, I would then move with that friend away from his staring silent weirdness and speak to them again in private. Luckily, I think Brian is taking the hint, because lately, I have seen him beelining towards another poor girl in the group. Sorry, sister.
In the case of an obsession, though, they won’t take the hint. You could give the cold shoulder, avoid eye contact, keep the convo short, or a million other social cues, but this obsession is like blinders – the person won’t see what you’re trying to say.
Check out: Can you sense when someone likes you?
5. They overstep boundaries.
Obsessions are unhealthy, especially when it comes to people. When you’re obsessed with someone or something you’re going to make rash decisions based on your emotions instead of your rationale. Or, worse – your rationale will just follow your emotions and you won’t make any sense! When someone is obsessed with you, they will eventually cross a line that makes you uncomfortable. Listen to your gut. Confront them respectfully, tell your loved ones, and get the authorities involved if it ever goes too far.
Being obsessed with the latest trend is cool. Being obsessed with a real person in your life is not. Stay safe out there, guys.