Breakups suck. When I went through my own a few years ago, I would have preferred to be punched straight in the nose instead of feeling the internal pain that the breakup causes. Can anyone relate? If you were head over heels for someone and have recently become single, you may be able to benefit from learning how to get over someone you love. While it may feel never-ending, know that your pain will go away, but not before you get through these six important steps.
1. Accept that it will take time.
Loving someone creates some intense feelings and connections in both your brain and your heart, and those don’t disappear overnight. Whether you were the one to initiate the breakup or you were the dump-ee, it’s going to take some time to get over someone you love. Plenty of studies have been done to try and figure out how much time it takes, but the truth is that it depends on the individual. My own breakup took me about a year to get over entirely, but I know other friends who have gotten over relationships in a few months. It depends on your thought process and actions. You can feel comfort in knowing that there’s no timeline, though, and you should move forward at your own pace. Don’t rush anything.
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2. Face your feelings.
During this time of hurt and waiting, you’re going to have to feel your feelings. They may suck, they may hurt, and you will probably cry, but it’s all a part of the grieving process. Many breakups actually follow similar structures to when people grieve the death of a loved one. After all, this relationship did technically die and many of us won’t see our ex again. The stages of grief are usually denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and – finally – acceptance. You might not go through all of them, but whichever you do go through should be felt in full so that you can move on to the next one and get closer to accepting the situation for what it is.
3. Stay busy and connected.
Going through a grieving process alone makes every stage ten times harder, so it’s important to stay connected to your support system during this time. Make plans with friends and family and use a few trusted friends to help you during your saddest moments. I couldn’t have been happier to have my closest friends around when I went through my old breakup, because they helped distract me when I was feeling at my worst. On the other hand, my friend Deborah dumped all her besties when she started dating her ex, and guess how she felt during that breakup.
If you’ve made the mistake of disconnecting from your people during your relationship, it’s now time to apologize – most close friends will forgive you and want to reconnect. Even though you won’t feel like it, keep participating in your hobbies and try to socialize at least a couple of times a week. You want to feel your feelings, but you don’t want to wallow in them. This is the difference between a short time of sadness and full-blown depression.
4. Avoid temporary band-aids.
Let me tell you a story about my own temporary band-aids. These are things you might do or even people you may hang out with to try and heal from the breakup, but all they do is temporarily distract you and maybe even leave you feeling worse than when you started. This includes things like partying or getting a rebound guy or girl to help you “forget” about the person you love. These things don’t work – trust me, I’ve tried. They might be fun for a few weeks or even months, but you end up tired, sadder, and once again alone.
These are different than hanging out with your true friends because you won’t talk about your ex or grieve them if you’re partying or dating, you’ll simply be pushing your feelings to the side. And – I hate to break it to you – these feelings are like manure. They just get smellier and ruin the vibe the more you ignore them.
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5. Take care of your body and mind.
It’s not enough to just avoid unhealthy temporary band-aids; you should also be proactively taking care of your body and mind. This is the best way to get over someone you love because your body is literally healing itself and your heart will follow. It may sound cheesy but it’s true. Eat well and do some exercise. These endorphins are proven to boost your mood. If you’re a spiritual or religious person, spend time meditating, praying, or reading something in that regard. Work on yourself and the healing will follow.
6. Focus on feeling gratitude.
This last step is the hardest for most of us, but after a breakup, it’s important to reach a time when you can be grateful. You may or may not be happy that the breakup actually happened, but you can always find things to be grateful for. Whether you learned lessons through the relationship, have a great support system, or now have more options available because you are single, there is plenty to be thankful for. Try a little activity of saying – out loud – ten things you’re grateful for every morning before you even get out of bed. You can repeat this anytime you’re feeling down. This will rewire your mindset to help you see the silver linings during your storm and help you get over the hurt and lost love in your past.
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Conclusion:
If you’re trying to get over someone you love, know that others are here for you – me included! It isn’t easy but I know you can and will do it with time. If you have any other tips, I would love to hear them in the comment section. So there you have it, 6 steps on how to get over someone you love.