Johnny, Danny, Jimmy, or whatever-his-name-is is just not into you. You’ve put your best foot forward. Heck, maybe you even went on a few dates, but he just isn’t taking the bait. It hurts, but it’s real. Now here’s what you need to do about it. Let’s dive into five steps to teach you how to get over a guy who doesn’t like you back.
1. Feel sad… but limit your time.
Rejection hurts – literally. It activates the same part of your brain, the anterior cingulate cortex, that activates during physical pain. This makes rejection pretty intense, especially if you have some deep-seated feelings for this dude. That brings us to step one; it’s ok to sit and feel sad.
It may sound good to distract yourself from hurtful feelings, but to process what happened and eventually get over it, you first must feel the feels. Trust me – avoiding them just leads to prolonged emotional distress that could manifest in anxiety, depression, or even physical symptoms. Once you sit and have a good cry – or three – you emotionally release which eventually leads to feelings of relief and, slowly but surely, acceptance. Building and plowing through these tough moments is also what will make you more emotionally resilient – something that will improve your relationships and self-confidence moving forward.
Check out: Top 10 ways on how to get over someone
2. Distance yourself.
While you’re grieving what could have been, it’s important not to make the pain any worse than it has to be. This means no stalking his social media or reaching out to him in pathetic attempts to rekindle a dead flame. I know this sounds like I’m being tough, but someone has to be. I have been in your shoes and tried to disconnect from someone while at the same time checking their Instagram every day or feeling so lonely way too late at night that I sent that immediately-regretted “I miss you” text. Drop a comment below if you’ve ever lived through this.
Been there, girlfriend. Don’t go there. It’s a trap.
To distance yourself the right way, try hitting that unfollow button. If you don’t want bad blood, most social media has some sort of mute option instead so you don’t see any of their posts. If you really can’t control those thumbs, delete the app off of your phone temporarily so you don’t even have the option of stalking their socials.
The funny thing about distancing yourself is that the other person usually notices pretty quickly and sometimes tries to get your attention back. It’s messed up, but it’s common. Don’t be surprised if somehow, they reappear through a like or a text just to get you hooked again. They want the attention, not you, or they would have chosen you in the first place.
3. Lean on your support system.
Friends and family are the cornerstones of your emotional strength. Very few people can withstand it alone. Spend time with your closest people and don’t be afraid to reach out to them in moments where you’re sad, lonely, or feel like you’re going to fall back into your feelings with this uninterested guy. Your best friends are going to be your number one fans and healthy distractions, so take advantage and lean on them when you need to.
I consider all of you guys a big part of this channel’s support system. Please keep it going by liking and subscribing if you haven’t already – you know I appreciate you!
4. Journal with these prompts.
Journaling is an amazing tool to process emotions and gain clarity. When trying to leave a relationship – even if that relationship was one-sided – clarity is exactly what you need to push through. Here are some prompts you can use to start writing what’s on your mind.
First: What specific feelings do I have about this person and the situation, and how do these feelings impact my daily life and well-being?
Second: What qualities or characteristics did I find attractive in this person? Are these qualities reflective of my needs and desires or are they actually connected to unmet, emotional needs that I have had for a while?
Third: What did I hope to gain from a relationship with this guy? Were these expectations realistic? What are some things that I may not have liked in the long term?
Fourth: What are some positive aspects of my life and personality that I can focus on and further develop?
5. Set some goals and take your first steps towards them!
Hopefully, journal prompt number five will prep you for this final step. You’ve explored your emotions, distanced yourself from this guy, leaned on your besties, and worked through your thoughts and feelings. Now it’s time for the best part – shifting your focus back on YOU. Come up with a few goals that you’ve wanted to accomplish but have put on the backburner. If you need some help, check out another video we made called “8 Personal Development Books in 8 Minutes.” These goals could be related to fun, work, your physique, or something you want to learn. Make a step-by-step plan towards these goals and take your first step this same week. It’s time to love the one person who deserves it the most – you!
Conclusion:
Getting over a guy who doesn’t like you back stings, but once you do it, man oh man does it feel darn good. I’m excited to watch you grow and leave this guy where he belongs – behind you.