If you’re reading this, first, I want to give you a big old virtual hug. Second, I want to grab you by the shoulders, give you a good shake, and tell you that we’re about to learn how to get over a breakup fast. Breakups suck. They hurt pretty much as bad as being punched in the face and, unfortunately, there is not yet a magic pill that helps us get over them in the blink of an eye. Until then, we’re going to have to do it old school. There is more than just time that cures these wounds, and here are eight others. Let’s get into it.
1. Take time to process.
We always want to skip this stuff because this stop hurts, but trying to hide your feelings or what happened in a sea of activities is a temporary Band-Aid that will fall off sooner rather than later. You’ve got to take some time to process what happened, and the longer your relationship was, the more time you need to process. So, what does process mean exactly? Well, it starts with recognizing that your relationship is over and feeling the shock from it. Take a moment to go through the conversation that was had and reaffirm that it’s as permanent as it feels – at least, for now. Some people shed waterworks during this stop, while others feel numb. Tell someone who you’re close to about what happened and let it settle in for a few days. If you are battling against the tide and swear you and your ex need to get back together, consider watching another short video we’ve made about the 5 major signs you two are really meant to be together.
2. DON’T contact your ex.
This step could be first or last or in between all of the other steps because it’s really important. If you’re trying to get over a breakup, the last thing on earth you should do is contact your ex. You may trick yourself into thinking that this will give you closure, but almost 100% of the time, all that will do is open up a can of worms. You’ll probably come out of the conversation with more questions than answers and confused emotions, or you might end up right back in a negative situation you used to be in. Listen, this is much harder than it sounds. I’m the first one to tell you that because I was the ultimate ex-texter back in the day. Did it get me over my breakup faster or make me a better human being? Absolutely not, and much to the opposite. Don’t wish your ex happy birthday, don’t ask them how they’re doing, and don’t pop by their house or work or wherever they hang out. Turn your phone off after 10 PM and give it to a friend if you plan on having more than one margarita. Don’t contact your ex.
3. Grieve.
Here is your least favorite step. It sucks to say, but grieving is a necessary part of getting over a loss, and every breakup entails a loss. Strangely enough, the grieving process for a breakup often matches the grieving process for when someone you know passes away. When you think about it, a lot of breakups are between two people who used to speak every day and end up never speaking again, much like when someone you love leaves this earth. The proper steps for grieving include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. You may not be able to go through most of them within a week, but so long as you’re aware of them and open to feeling your emotions as they come and go, you’re in the right place. Sit down with some friends, have a few therapeutic chats, sit with a sad movie and a box of tissues, and get all the water works out. It’s natural and it’s necessary, and no one is going to judge you for it.
4. Break down the “why.”
The goal here is to find a reason or purpose for you to move on without your ex. Some of you will have obvious and strong whys, like if your ex cheated on you and you can’t trust them anymore, or if one of you wants to settle in Australia while the other one wants to live in New York City. Unfortunately, not everyone has such obvious whys, especially if you were the one who was broken up with and not vice versa. In these cases, you can do one of two things. First, you could pinpoint the things that you did not like or love about your ex and marinate on them, focusing on the fact that there is someone who has the opposite of those qualities out there for you. Second, you could find a personal reason that pushes you forward, such as identifying a goal that you can now pursue without distractions or boundaries from your ex. For example, maybe you’ve always wanted to relocate but your relationship had kept you grounded where you were. Find a “why” that pushes you forward and motivates you to continue on solo.
Check out: Top 10 ways on how to get over someone
5. Lean on your support system.
Post-breakup is the time to reconnect and reaffirm the positive relationships in your life with friends and family. Too often, we put those on the back burner when we get into a relationship and don’t give these people the love and affection that they deserve. What’s important now is spending time with your loved ones. Whether you prefer to stay home for a movie night with friends, go to a restaurant with your mom or dad, or call your best friend who lives across the country, just do it. Your support system is vital not only for breakups, but for all major milestones, challenges, and celebrations in life. These are people who you will never break up with – at least, hopefully not – and who should make you feel better day in and day out.
6. Keep busy.
While you should process the relationship and feel your emotions, this does not mean to hole yourself up at home for days, weeks, or months at a time and be sad. That is not how you’re going to get over a breakup. Yes, you should allow yourself sufficient time to be on your own and reflect, but this should only be a few hours a day at most. For the other large portion of your waking hours, accept all invitations, show up to new places, be open to meeting new people, and immerse yourself in work, school, and/or social events. Staying busy will open your eyes to opportunities you quickly lose sight of when you’re sad. You’ll feel much more upbeat and able to move forward if you can visually see what there is to move forward to. When I went through a bad breakup a few years ago, I remember picking up every extra shift my job offered, going out with friends at least two or three nights a week, heading to the gym as much as I could, and doing a bunch of other stuff in between. Would I still get my sad emotions out late at night and feel bummed now and again? Absolutely. Was I stuck at a standstill or suffering over my lame-o ex for months or years? No way.
7. Work on yourself.
In your past relationship, your significant other was likely the apple of your eye, your top priority, and your first and last thought every day. The new person to replace this role should not be a fling but yourself. You need to prioritize yourself and work on your personal growth post-breakup. This will boost your self-confidence, which will in turn boost your mood, and it will also set you up for more opportunities, both romantic and not. Working on yourself could be a bunch of things depending on your interests. Many people will start working out or improve their health, go to therapy, take a course, start a new hobby, throw themselves into work, or take the time to enjoy an interest that they had previously pushed to the side. I’ve got to be honest, there is nothing better than getting into bomb shape after a breakup. I did this once and it was such a mood booster; plus, I felt better physically every day, which motivated me to do more professionally and personally. Not to mention that I met quite a few cuties at the gym during that time, but that’s beside the point.
8. Be open to new relationships.
When I say new relationships, I am not advocating starting a romantic fling or serious relationship when the breakup wound hasn’t even closed yet. What I am referring to is simply meeting new people. Some of these relationships will be platonic, others will be guys or girls who are trying to get flirty with you, and the third group may be networking connections that you make. If you’re following the steps and putting yourself out there and keeping busy, you’re going to meet new people. These new people are going to connect you to opportunities that you may have never considered or thought possible, so it’s important to cultivate these relationships as best you can. When it comes to romantic dating, I’ll leave that up to you. Some people find it helpful to get back out there as soon as possible to distract themselves and see what their options are, while others prefer to heal by themselves for a bit until they’re ready to take on another serious partner.
Breakups are tough, but you are tougher. It’s important to feel what you are going through, process the situation, and focus on you and only you to get over a breakup fast. It’s never easy, but it is possible.