Fifty years ago, a dominant woman would probably be frowned upon in society. Since then, dominant women have brought us more rights, a fight for equality, and amazing advances in different work environments. As cool as being a dominant woman sounds, sometimes it’s hard to become one, especially in personal relationships. If you’re wondering how to be a more dominant female in a relationship, you’re in the right place. Here are 12 things you can do to get the ball rolling.
1. Learn to say no.
The opposite of dominant is submissive, and this is defined as someone who meekly obeys the will of others. If you want to be more dominant, you’ve got to step away from submissive actions. One of the first ways to do this is by learning how to say no. It’s time to stop people-pleasing and doing things you hate to convenience others. There’s a thick line between listening and obeying. Do the first one, but avoid the second.
2. Make plans.
Take a leading role in creating plans for your relationship. Instead of always going along with your partner’s ideas, take the planning role for a spin and think of some things you would like to do together. Ideally, these are also things your partner would get behind so you both enjoy the day. Then, share these plans with your boyfriend or husband and tell them that you hope and expect they can join you.
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3. Practice stating your opinion.
Dominant people know what they want, what they believe, and what they feel. If you aren’t sure where you stand on certain things, it’s time to break down those feelings and decide. Once you have your position, don’t be afraid to speak up. You don’t need to debate anyone or get into verbal arguments. Simply stating your beliefs and sticking by them is a form of confident dominance in conversation.
4. Tell instead of ask.
Women have been seen as homemakers and housekeepers for centuries. I’d love to say that nowadays things aren’t like that, but unfortunately, many women are in the workplace and are still the only ones balancing housework after hours. No more. It’s time to split things fifty-fifty. There is nothing wrong with telling your partner what they should do around the home. So long as it’s said with respect and kindness, any reasonable boyfriend or husband should be receptive and help with your request.
5. Say what you want.
In history, women have been conditioned to ask permission instead of stating what they want or will do. Thankfully, we live in more advanced times and now have the freedom to literally do whatever we want – so long as it’s legal of course. Use this power to tell your partner what you want. This could be wanting something physical or emotional from them. Use “I want” or “I need” statements to make the point hit home.
6. Participate in major decisions.
Many of us are indecisive – myself included – but if you want to assert dominance, you’ve got to insert yourself into some major decision-making. When it comes to things like where you’ll live, work schedules, or even progressing a relationship into an engagement, it’s your time to shine. Of course, these types of decisions need to be made as a team, so you can’t dismiss your partner’s take on it. The goal is that you both participate equally, listen to one another carefully, and come to an equal compromise.
7. Show off your brain.
Ladies, we have been mansplained enough. I don’t need you to define terms for me or to tell me that I should ask my father or brother for assistance. It’s the 21st century and we ladies have the power to use our brainpower. Did you know that one study showed that 40% of men in a 4-year college program graduated compared to 50% of women? Use that brain ladies! If you know the answer, say it. If someone is spreading false information, politely correct them. The days of zipping it are over. Time to share the knowledge.
8. Shoot for new goals.
You can’t be dominant and scared at the same time. Well, technically you can, but the scared part is going to take a back seat as you become assertive and push forward. This is exactly what you need to do when you set new goals. Goals can be intimidating – especially hearing what other people think about our goals – but it’s your time to really think about what you want and come up with some S.M.A.R.T. steps to reach that goal. It’s only then that you can realize your true potential.
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9. Check your language.
Many women have fallen into the habit of apologizing when no apology is necessary. Some of us are so worried about being polite that we take three steps back on the dominance pathway in doing so. Only apologize if you make an error or truly hurt someone’s feelings. Don’t apologize for giving your opinion or for acting dominant.
10. Have a life outside of your relationship.
Dominant people are independent. While they may have a strong social circle, they can manage on their own and do just fine. This is why it’s important to have a life outside of your relationship, even if you’re trying to be dominant in your relationship. This means having time with your girlfriends, just you and them, staying connected to your family, and networking for your job.
11. Initiate intimacy.
Without intimacy, your relationship is just a friendship, so this is an important sign to check off. Don’t wait for your partner to come up and cuddle or kiss you. If you feel like doing it, initiate it yourself! Your partner will likely be pleasantly surprised, and you can even use the opportunity to express what you want and like physically.
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12. Speak up… literally.
Your soft voice is sexy and so cute and makes for a great YouTube narration, but sometimes you need to get your point across by being LOUD. You hear me? Loud! Speak up. You have an automatic volume button in your voice box for a reason.
Conclusion:
Why not try out a couple of these signs this week? Then, next week, a few more? The more you practice with them, the more naturally the behavior will come. The truth is that all women have a dominant version of themselves just waiting to be released. So, why do you want to become more dominant in your relationship? I would love to hear the “why” in the comments! So there you have it 12 ways on how to be a more dominant female in a relationship.