Sometimes people could be weird. Like for instance, myself. I was an awkward apple when I was a kid. It tends to happen when you don’t know what to say or your words get mesh together or you have those long silent pauses. So today, we’re breaking down how to approach someone you don’t know without being weird with 7 different approaches. It’s a skill, it’s beneficial, and it’s something you can learn with practice. This will help you make friends, network, date, find new opportunities, and generally be more social and somewhat extroverted. And here’s a quick secret to help you get started. Always have a goal in mind in terms of what you want to talk about with the person. This will avoid awkward pauses and silences.
1. Ask if you’ve met them before.
Whether you know you have never seen this person before in your life or not, if you ask them this question, they will sit for a few seconds and try to remember you. The average person will meet over 10,000 people in their lifetime, and this doesn’t include the people we see but never speak to. Even if the person knows they haven’t met you, the fact that you’ve said they look familiar resonates with friendship. Psychologically, we are attracted to familiar people because we consider them to be safe and unlikely to cause harm. This creates almost an illusion that you consider this person to be welcoming, creating a positive and friendly interaction that you can then use to introduce yourself.
Check out: How to make new friends
2. Ask for clarification.
There are few times it’s socially acceptable to speak to strangers. Whether your situation fits the mold or not, you can use an acceptable situation to break the ice with this person at the beginning. These socially acceptable situations include asking for help or clarification, like when you ask for directions. Ask this person to help you with something you can’t figure out. Maybe you’re not sure which way downtown is, or where a certain café is located. You may even ask about things to do in the neighborhood, or where the bus stop is. From experience, most of the time, people will help you if they can. If they aren’t in a rush and they actually take the time to respond back to you, you’ve now opened the door into more conversation without being weird.
3. Start by excusing yourself.
If someone walked straight up to me from across the street, and immediately spoke to me, I would probably freak out. That’s a little too direct and aggressive. Try a softer approach by being humble and excusing yourself. You are, after all, interrupting whatever they were doing. Use a 3-part approach. The first part is saying, “Excuse me.” Then, state the issue you’re having. Next, state the question that you want the answer to. For example, you can say something like, “Excuse me, I have a bad arm, today, is it possible you can help me lift this platform to the other side?” I mean this is just an example. This will immediately let the person know what your intentions are, so they don’t look at you all weird. And if they do actually help you out, then you can casually start a conversation with them. Of course, about something that makes sense in the situation and not just something random.
4. Ask a question about them.
This works best if you are already in a social setting. If you don’t care about something, you would never ask a question about it. Questions show interest. Asking someone a question about themselves may throw them off, but they’ll most likely be intrigued enough to answer. A big detail is to make sure the question isn’t too personal. We’re not asking about their mother’s maiden name or their biggest fear. Some acceptable questions would be: what industry they work in, what they’re studying, or “ooh I like your jacket, where did you get it?”
Check out: Social skills training for adults
5. Give a compliment.
Whether we say it or not, most of us like to hear a compliment here and there. I mean, who wouldn’t want to know that another person thinks they’re awesome? If you’re approaching a stranger, though, you can’t tell them they’re awesome since you don’t know them, so you’re going to want to keep your compliments simple. This means it must be something observable, like the stuff that they are wearing or have. You don’t want to start off something too personal. An example would be, “Hey, I like your pin on your shirt. I have the same pin at home. Good taste!” Just by giving a compliment increases your likeability. And if you ever want to approach that person, it’ll be easier for you to do so because they’ll think of you as a friendly.
6. Ask for their opinion.
When we ask someone for their opinion, we aren’t being hostile. Instead, we are lowkey seeking for help. And most of the time, people would love to share their opinion and put their 2 cents in. If they don’t have an opinion on something, then that’s okay, they probably don’t like to talk. But for those who do, you’ll know they’ll be open to talking to you if they are sharing their opinion with you.
7. Think less and just go for it!
The more you overthink something, the more nervous and haywire your brain gets. Decisiveness is associated with more optimism and self-esteem, so it’s time to make your decision and just go for it. Find the person you want to approach, choose a strategy, and walk towards them. I know some of you might say this isn’t effective. But just remember that at the end of the day, it’s the practice and the experience you need by talking to people more to achieve those fluent interactions. And the more you do it, the less likely you’ll feel weird approaching people.
Check out: How introverts make friends
Conclusion:
Overall, I want to say nine times out of ten a person will be receptive so long as you are genuine and read their social cues. The worst thing that could happen is that you say goodbye and never speak again. The best thing that could happen is that you make a new friend, colleague, or even romantic partner! And that doesn’t sound like a bad risk to me.