Imagine thousands of people walking in the middle of New York City block. They bump into each other, some are friendly, and some aren’t. From an aerial view, it looks like a crazy mess. Now imagine that instead of people in New York, these are thoughts in your head, all at the same time. This is one way to picture the mind of someone with ongoing anxiety. Now, all anxieties are not the same, and everyone has a unique experience, but that’s exactly why it’s important to learn as much as you can if you’re dating someone with anxiety. Getting a handle on knowing what to expect or what could happen could improve the situation drastically. If you’re watching this video, you’ve already taken the first step. But let’s go over these 8 things so you know what to expect when dating someone with anxiety.
1. Expect insecurities.
Having anxiety brings up the “what ifs” in life. We all think about what-if, but someone with anxiety has an amplified version of these in their mind. Instead of just thinking, “What if my opinion causes a fight?” They might think, “What if my opinion causes a fight which means we break up and then I’m single and lonely again, and my work will suffer, and I won’t want to go out…” and so forth. They’ve contemplated all of the worst possible outcomes, so we can’t be surprised when they are insecure, even about a relationship that we consider stable. These insecurities are just a part of the anxiety, so don’t overanalyze them.
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2. Know that anxiety can be physical.
While it’s primarily a challenge of the mind, anxiety brings up some physical responses as well. When someone has anxiety, their fight-or-flight responses become activated as a form of defense against a possible threat. They may seem nervous, fidgety, sweaty, or agitated. Anxiety can even cause sleeping or breathing problems if it’s severe enough. If that person doesn’t know any techniques to control these physical symptoms, they may appear at what seems like random times to you. Don’t be fooled, though, they originate from those anxious thoughts, and it doesn’t mean that it’s directed towards you.
3. Don’t forget that they are the expert on their anxiety.
Many times, in our quest to be a good, helpful person, we take on the role of a counselor or guide. While this is good to do if anxiety is your realm of expertise, but I’m going to guess that most of us aren’t. So, bring it back to that person. They know their anxiety better than anyone else out there. Let them share their perspective with you so that you better understand what is going on. Don’t try to overpower them.
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4. Ask about triggers.
While some anxiety appears seemingly out of nowhere, a lot of anxieties have root causes that we can trigger. This trigger happens and – BAM – anxiety comes running. If you’re dating someone with anxiety, the last thing you want to do is make it worse. Ask the person what their triggers are so you can ensure that the time you two spend together is fun and carefree instead of overwhelming and nerve-wracking!
5. Don’t take it personally.
As you’ve been hearing, anxiety manifests in many ways. Some are messier than others, and it really depends on the person and what they are experiencing. The key thing to remember is to distinguish between the behaviors and the individual. They are not their anxiety. If they’re nervous or on edge, it’s probably not about anything related to you. Basically, remember that it’s not all about you!
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6. You’ll have to step up your positivity.
Dating someone with anxiety comes with a bit of responsibility. If you’re dating, an obvious part of your relationship would include being supportive. A person with anxiety benefits more than others when they are reassured and supported. If you’re generally “realistic” or “pessimistic”, this may be a challenge for you. It’s important to figure out if you’re a pebble or a mountain before you try to be someone else’s rock.
7. Keep your own mental health in mind.
Everyone has limits, anxiety or not. While it’s great that you’re looking out for this person, make sure that you don’t put your own needs too far aside. Being someone’s support can take its toll, so always ensure your own mental health is good to go before trying to improve someone else’s. After all, you’re no use to anyone if you can’t even keep up with yourself.
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8. Therapy is a great option.
While it’s great to be together, it’s okay to know that sometimes you are just you and you have your limitations. There are some fabulous people out there known as therapists, and they can be a great resource for someone who has anxiety. Keep this helping hand in mind, and reach out to one if the anxiety is getting in the way of life.
Conclusion:
Overall anxiety affects over 250 million people worldwide, so there’s a chance that you could be dating someone with anxiety in one point or another. So be patient, take the time to listen, and always make sure you’re comfortable with the situation you’re in. As long as you enter open-minded and willing to understand, dating someone with anxiety could be just as fun as any other dating scenario and there’s nothing wrong with that.