The world is full of obvious signs, sayings, and experiences, but it’s also chock full of gut feelings, intuition, and – dare I say it – sixth senses. I mean, how many times have you been in a situation and just felt, in the depths of your heart, soul, or stomach, that something was right or wrong? Probably more than you can count.
What about relationships? Can you sense when someone likes you? Well, to answer this question, we have to break down how we interpret and sense other people’s feelings in the first place. Much of what we do in normal conversation seems natural but stems from a long line of psychological processes. In this video, we’ll cover how that process works plus where your gut instinct really comes from.
Ok, now, think of when you see that special guy or girl on a regular day. You may notice them, how they look, and who they’re talking to, but your brain is scanning for much more information than that. We’re also subconsciously registering things like social status, intelligence, and conscientiousness and instantly making assumptions based on those observations. Psychologists call this phenomenon thin slicing and it usually happens in just the first few seconds of meeting or seeing someone. According to a research study from UPenn, it usually takes someone just three seconds to decide if they find you attractive!
So now, let’s say you have a person in your life who may or may not like you. Let’s call them Taylor since it could be a guy or a girl. You meet Taylor for the first time ever in a group setting. You make small talk, laugh over a few jokes, and have a good conversation. Taylor bids you adieu and goes on his way.
You immediately register this interaction as a possible crush scenario because of your conversation and this feeling, but really, you’re registering smiling, mirroring, open body language, tone of voice, and a judgment that you two seem to trust each other somewhat off of the bat.
Then, because you think Taylor may like you, you may flirt a bit more or be extra friendly the next time you see them. Taylor reacts positively, reaffirming your original assumption, thus creating the “sense” that Taylor likes you. Taylor never said they liked you and you can’t be sure that they don’t behave that way with everyone they interact with, but that’s the conclusion you’ve come up with. And you’re probably right!
While just a few seconds seems like too short a time to judge someone, we often do it well. I can count quite a few times where I have met someone through a friend and known, just known, that that person and I weren’t compatible. They could have been nice and polite and all of that, but we just didn’t click – and it usually didn’t end up changing much the next hangout or the following one, if we made it that far. Evolution has made us pretty intuitive creatures.
Humans are intelligent creatures but, at the end of the day, we’re just that – creatures. We follow social cues and certain behaviors to show how we’re feeling even when we’re not aware of it. We stare at things we like and our pupils dilate when we’re attracted to something. We point our feet towards people we’re comfortable with or towards the door when we’re feeling nervous or uncomfortable. We fidget, blush, play with our hair or hands, cross our arms, and cover our mouths when speaking if we’re shy, introverted, timid, or embarrassed. We mirror people we like slowly and unknowingly, copying their minor movements with precision. We smile when others smile and get tense when others are upset. These are all-natural bodily functions that happen as often as we breathe and, while we aren’t blatantly aware of them, we register the same movements in others and make impressions based on them.
If you want to know even more things to look out for, we’ve made two videos – one for guys and another for girls – on what each always does when they like you.
Ok, so that’s the physical side of it. But what about that internal, spiritual, or gut-feeling side? Are there any explanations there?
I’ll admit that there are situations that don’t involve other people where you get a gut feeling and it points you toward the right decision or action. This could be that “sense,” in every aspect of the word. For this particular video, though, we are specifically talking about sensing when someone likes you, so it’s hard to separate the physical from the physiological. You may have looked deep into Taylor’s eyes and thought you knew that they had feelings for you, but you also registered the pupils, tone of voice, mirroring, open body language, and close physical contact subconsciously, creating this sensation for you as a result.
Ok, so what if you don’t see this individual in person? Could you sense it from afar? As long as you aren’t just interpreting their voice or texting style, you may have some gut intuition that tells you they’re into you even when you don’t see them. This could come from two places: human intuition or the neurons in your stomach.
First off, I’m not going to dismiss the fact that one component of intuition could be spiritual or universal or something that can’t be explained away by science. Different people have their beliefs and there have definitely been instances when a gut feeling or sensation has changed or even saved lives without explanation. I’ll leave that part of intuition for you to decide.
As for the neurons, these explain away feelings like having butterflies in your stomach or going with your gut. In the walls of your digestive system lie millions of nerve cells called the enteric nervous system. These cells can’t produce thought themselves, but they can trigger big emotional shifts and “talk,” so to speak, to your brain. This can work with different parts of the brain to interpret your surroundings and translate to the gut feelings we hear about so often.
Now, here’s the tricky part. How can you decide if your sensation is right or wrong? What if you assume Taylor likes you only to be embarrassed to find out they don’t? Or, what if you think the opposite and are wrong about it too? Alas, the predicament of being human. We can never predict anything with 100% certainty, so we should take our gut feelings and sensations with a grain of salt.
You may feel that he or she likes you, but it’s time to test out the waters with a bit of communication. Start hanging out more and having one-on-one conversations. Ask them about their love life and see if the interest is returned. Pay attention to how often they reach out to you and if they ask a lot of questions about your hobbies, work, and personal life. These are all big extra clues to back up the sensation that you’re being crushed on.
Being in tune with our gut feelings is a big part of doing what feels right. If you feel that someone likes you, what’s the feeling second to that? Do you get excited at the idea or feel nauseous? If it’s the first feeling, get your flirty-ness out there and show them you care! If it’s the second, add some distance between the two of you to avoid any uncomfortable scenarios or – better yet – mention someone else you’re into in front of them to make it clear you’re not an option at this time.
No matter what you do or how you feel, be confident in it! You rock and I’m rooting for you. Thanks for watching!