Relationships are like movie plots. Sometimes, they’re predictable from the get-go and you can pretty much guess what’s coming before it hits. Other times, you get thrown for a loop and someone hits you how you never expected. I want to make sure that you know exactly what’s going on with this guy and avoid being blindsided if you’re asking yourself, “Am I overthinking or is he losing interest?” Today is the day to find out.
1. Is he swamped or vaguely busy?
If a guy is really into you and he starts drifting or being less present, the simplest reason would be because he’s got other things going on in his life that he needs to deal with. We all get busy and face circumstances that take up more of our time than we intended. Take a step back and analyze this guy’s current situation. Start with his work or studies. Is he in the middle of a complicated project or starting an exam period? Is he working towards a promotion or that final capstone project? Here’s a great example of when this comes to play in the dating world. My cousin used to date an accountant. He was super sweet and seem to be obsessed with her, but then he suddenly became very difficult to plan with, and she started seeing him less and less. Guess what month it was? April. Guess when tax returns are due? April. The kid was absolutely swamped, and once May rolled around my cousin was right back up at the forefront of his priorities. Now, on the other hand, if you have a guy who tells you he’s “busy” with no details as to what busy actually entails, then it may very well just be an excuse because he’s losing interest or distancing himself. You can do a test run by asking him a couple of questions to get more details, but if you’re met with vaguer answers, we have reached a verdict.
2. Is he disengaging emotionally or are you creating scenarios in your head?
We’re all guilty of imagining things. I can’t be the only one who’s laid in bed late at night or stood in the shower mulling over scenarios that don’t even exist. I know I’ve had moments where maybe a guy wasn’t giving me the attention I wanted, so there I was imagining that he was reconsidering the whole thing and moving on with his life in this completely hypothetical scenario that I made up in my head. It’s time to take a moment to decide if you are creating a bigger problem than there really is or if he’s disengaging emotionally.
By the way, if you think you’re unsure about your feelings towards this guy too, we have another video called “10 Signs You’re Confused About a Guy.”
Anyway, emotional disengagement can be shown when he completely stonewalls during serious conversations, acts indifferent to your behavior and the relationship, or suddenly goes all in on his own life and omits you from it completely. Emotional disengagement means there is a distinct shift in his behavior from a few weeks ago to today. You can’t assume from one day to the next because sometimes people just have bad days, but if he shifted and remains shifted for a couple of weeks, then you might have a true sign that he has emotionally detached.
3. Is he canceling plans or rescheduling for a reason?
There’s a big difference between a guy who is starting to put distance between the two of you and one who is forced to put distance because of life circumstances. These are tough spaces to navigate, and you may hear about them more in serious, long-term relationships, like marriages. Take my aunt and uncle, for example. They were always attached at the hip and spent a lot of time together with their kids as a family. Then, my uncle’s brother got sick. This was my uncle through marriage, so I didn’t know the brother personally, but I know that he went through a tough illness and my uncle had to be there for him around the clock for a few months. My aunt was stuck at home handling the bills, kids, and house, and it was a really rough time for them, but my uncle wasn’t just dipping out on his family; he was taking care of an urgent responsibility and his relationship had to suffer in the meantime. After that time in their life had passed, he went back to being the caring, present husband and father that he always was. Short-term relationships don’t have many of these scenarios because, sadly they could easily cause a breakup if you haven’t been together long enough. On the other hand, if you have a guy in your life who simply cancels plans with BS excuses and reschedules them for farther out by saying he’ll let you know when he’ll make it up to you, that’s a sure sign that he is putting some distance between the two of you without good reason.
4. Are you speaking less or was he always a subpar communicator?
The older I get, the more I realize that humans are terrible communicators. Few of us have gotten the knack for communicating healthily and productively, and even fewer of us care enough to try and improve daily. Now that I got that rant out of the way, you need to be upfront with me and tell me whether or not this guy was a subpar communicator from the start. If he is – hey, it happens. A lot of men and women aren’t great texters or don’t like to talk about emotions or deep topics because it’s uncomfortable. If that’s his baseline, fine. On the other hand, one of the biggest signs out there that he is losing interest is if he was all about the cute messages or calls at the beginning, and now it feels like you’re texting your grandma. Actually, grandma probably uses more heart emojis than this guy. I’m not sure why this happens as much as it does, but I have seen way too many friends go through it when suddenly, they feel that the vibe is off in their guy’s messages, and he goes from being cute and cuddly to being cold and uncaring. It’s almost as if he wishes to make a negative impression so you end up being the one that cut things off. Cowardly, if you ask me.
5. Has he lost enthusiasm with just you or everything in his life?
When life gets tough, the tough get going… sometimes literally by peace-ing out. Different people respond to situations differently, and life has plenty of downs to mix between the ups. Take inventory of this guy’s enthusiasm for his favorite things in life. Is he suddenly indifferent about your hangouts and relationship and that alone, or has he also left his friends to the side, stopped reaching out to his family, and even lost motivation at work? This is a stark difference between a guy who is stepping away from a relationship and a guy who is stepping into some sort of depression. Check-in with him and see how he’s doing in other parts of his life, and offer a helping hand without getting into too many details. You should be able to feel out the situation fairly quickly.
Checkout: 10 Signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you
Conclusion:
Overthinking happens to the best of us, but it doesn’t do anything except provoke anxiety and take away sleep. Some relationships will fizzle out, and if this guy isn’t upfront enough to tell you to your face, you may need to point out two or three of the signs to reach a conclusion yourself. No matter the case, know that you are stronger than overthinking and emotionally weak men. You are a champion and don’t forget it!