There’s an old saying that says all decisions are made from either fear or greed. People behave the way they are because they want something or because they’re scared of something. The same saying works the same for decisions around love and relationships. You may feel that you have real chemistry with a guy, but he seems reluctant to move forward with you. Could fear be the motivating factor in his moves? If your connection is undeniable yet you both seem stuck, look for these 9 signs that he wants a relationship but is scared.
1. He takes things really slow.
You can’t exactly say that you’re at a standstill with this guy, because he is moving the relationship forward. The only thing is, he’s doing so at a snail’s pace. This guy is the total opposite of the Tinder swipe who sends you eggplant emojis on the first message. No, no, this guy took a few days just to hold your hand. It might have taken weeks for a kiss if he has at all. Yet he’s obviously interested in you and getting to know each other better. This is a big sign he wants something with you but is still working through the fear around pursuing what he wants.
Check out: How to tell if a guy likes you but is hiding it (10 Signs)
2. He has a history of being hurt.
If you know this guy was previously cheated on or badly dumped by an ex, he’s probably bringing his big ol’ baggage along for the ride with him. You’ll need to work with him to slowly lighten the load before he feels confident enough to jump into another relationship. Work on effective communication and building trust to change his fear into confidence. I mean if you have the time for that.
3. He spends a lot of time with you but doesn’t make a move.
You two have been hanging out for what seems like forever and you’re starting to doubt whether he likes you or just likes hanging out with someone. But don’t doubt yourself yet! If a guy is spending a lot of time with you, whether it be in formal date settings or hanging out casually, he’s doing so because he wants to. No one willingly spends time with someone they don’t like. If he isn’t making a move, he may be working on his fear of taking the next step or maybe waiting on you to do something. I would say try to bring up the topic and see how he feels about the relationship. Never hurt to ask. This is one of the strong signs that he wants a relationship with you but is scared.
4. He’s nervous when you ask about the future.
If you two have spent enough time together intimately, it’s normal for you to ask about the future. This could be asking about whether he wants to date seriously or what his plans are with you. If he gets nervous around this kind of talk, he may still be feeling scared of getting serious with you. There’s a fine line between a guy avoiding labels and one afraid of having one, though, so tread carefully with this sign because now you can question whether he’s playing you or not.
Check out: What are the signs that a guy is hiding his true feelings from you (10 Signs)
5. He believes that he is out of your league.
Maybe you found yourself a guy who puts you on a pedestal. He’s always complimenting you and making you feel like you are the Beyonce to his Jay-Z, and yet, he isn’t asking you out or making a move on you. This might be a sign of an insecure guy who is scared that he is out of your league. Use his admiration of you to your advantage – next time he compliments you, ask him this: “If I’m so good, why don’t you date me.” Haha.
6. He pulls away when things are going great.
Unless you stop showering when things are going great, there is no reason he should be pulling away, right? Not always. Guys tend to pull away when things are going really well because they’re scared of the future. They imagine this wonderful thing crashing and burning, so they’ll stop themselves before they get any more involved. This type of behavior includes the same thought patterns that produce anxiety, so sometimes reassurance is the key when dealing with this.
7. He communicates the most through technology.
A guy who hides behind a screen is hiding insecurities and fear around being seen. Not just seen physically, but being seen on an intimate level. This is especially true with shy guys. He believes he can control his appearance and conversation more from behind a screen since he’s scared of messing up if he’s with you in person. And if you like, try getting him to hang out in person more, because at the end of the day, if you really like someone, you’ll eventually have to see them in person, right? What is love when you can’t even hang out?
Related: How guys text when they like you (10 Signs)
8. He gets jealous of you with other guys.
If he didn’t want anything with you, he wouldn’t care if you were dating someone else. If he gets jealous when you’re with other guys, though, he obviously has feelings for you. His jealousy combines with his fear of losing you will produce an odd behavior towards you. So, look out for that. Mention that this jealousy should be reserved for someone who actually wants to date you and see how he reacts.
9. He’s scared of what others might think.
Humans are socially-driven creatures, and some of us care more about what people think than others. If this guy is worried about the opinions of his friends or family, he might be extra-hesitant around getting into a relationship. I know family and friends could be toxic, but honestly, it’s not you, it’s him that needs to work things out. So, if he’s scared of what others are thinking, be careful with that.
Check out: 10 Signs he pretending not to like you
Conclusion:
Overall, the ultimate end decision is in his hand because you might want the relationship, but he’s the only factor that’s not moving forward with it. Sometimes guys need a little push because he hasn’t confirmed if you actually like him, or that he’s just playing because he’s a free spirit and doesn’t like to be tied down. Most importantly is to bring up the talk of why you both aren’t in a serious relationship. This will honestly help answer a lot of your questions and also to better understand him. Because let’s be honest, we need to know what he’s thinking. So there you have it 9 signs he wants a relationship but is scared.