Lost love and heartbreak are hard things to accept. Some relationships rekindle after a breakup, but others were never meant to be and should be left in the past. If you’re holding onto hope that your ex may return or that you two could reconcile, I recommend first going through these eight signs your ex will never come back. It’s time to face the facts and recognize what’s going on.
1. They keep telling you to back off.
The first few days or weeks after a breakup, it’s normal for at least one of the partners to turn away the other. If you were the one who initiated the breakup or caused it, it’s expected that your ex wouldn’t want to speak with you as they process what’s happening and their emotions. When they keep telling you to back off, you need to remain apologetic and give them space, but if they’re still saying the same thing months later, you need to take the hint and let them be. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but someone who is reiterating their needs should be respected. You are just crossing more lines by ignoring their requests, and the more you do this, the less likely it is that they will ever return to be a part of your life. On the bright side, I will never ever tell you back off. In fact, why don’t you subscribe today and stay connected forever? You know I appreciate it!
Check out: How to tell if a guy doesn’t like you
2. They move on with someone who doesn’t like you or vice versa.
If your ex now has a new girlfriend or boyfriend, that’s a pretty clear sign that they are not trying to get back together with you. In any case, I will play devil’s advocate and say that some exes try to rebound too quickly and get into a new relationship when they still aren’t over their past one or just to make someone jealous. You know your ex’s strategies and behaviors better than I do, but either way, it is not a good sign that they jumped into a new serious relationship. If they are mature, they will be putting all of their efforts into that new relationship and will no longer entertain the idea of reconnecting with you. This situation is even clearer if the person they are dating hates you or vice versa. You know the situation I’m talking about; how many times have you heard of a guy or a girl disliking their partner’s close friend, only to find that their partner starts dating that friend after they break up? I’ve witnessed this too many times for comfort. It’s even happened in my own life; my ex is currently dating one of his close friends from college, with whom he hung out often and even lied to me about while we were dating. Surprise, surprise. No sadness here though, he does not want to come back and I reciprocate the sentiment. Peace out dude.
3. The police get involved.
Oh, we’re getting dramatic now. When the police get involved, some serious lines have been drawn and crossed, and there is very little chance of going back unless you are in one heck of a toxic relationship – which I hope isn’t the case for your own sake. Police may get involved in domestic disputes, restraining orders, or stalking charges. No matter the reason, it isn’t good, and getting the law involved makes it clear that you two should not be together. End of story.
Check out: Signs you’re not meant to be in a relationship
4. They start a whole new, better life without you.
This stinks to experience, but it’s important to try and look at it from an outsider’s perspective. If you’re ex suddenly starts making big changes in their life, whether it be lifestyle, geographical, personal, or religious changes, or anything else that’s pretty distinct from when you were dating them, think of it as them moving on to a new chapter in their life. You don’t fit into that chapter and if you look at it from that outsider’s perspective, you probably wouldn’t want to. This happens a lot with people who have some sort of enlightening moment or those who are still figuring out who they are in their 20s. I have an acquaintance named Neal who I met in our early 20s. He was the standard jock, above average Joe, and an OK guy. He dated a preppy, athletic girl, and they matched. They later broke up and about a year later I saw Neal and was appalled. He had grown out his hair, gotten a bunch of tattoos, and got involved in different organic and hippie-ish movements. Neal seemed happy, so good for him, but his ex was still how I remembered her, and those two would not match nowadays to save their lives. He has moved on. They have distinct personalities and lifestyles now, and they will definitely not be getting back together or sharing a cup of coffee anytime soon.
5. They break up with you for nonnegotiable reasons.
Non-negotiable reasons for a breakup include when one person wants marriage or kids and the other one doesn’t, they can’t agree on core values, or things like that. These reasons are heavy-duty and serious items that are ingrained in each partner’s mind and daily living. If you and your ex broke up because you have polar opposite political and moral views, for example, that’s unlikely to change. Sometimes it really sucks because you may love each other and have a good relationship otherwise, but non-negotiable things are non-negotiable. Unless one person has a big change as we mentioned in number four, any reconciliation will be short-lived because this problem will always resurface.
6. They drag your name through the mud.
Some breakups are ugly. Has your ex dragged your name through the mud by calling you every name in the book and airing out your dirty, laundry or, worse, by telling lies about you? It’s hard to come back from that. Firstly, everyone and their mother will think your ex thinks lowly of you while you let him get away with it. Secondly, you will have trouble getting over that hurt and letting it go, understandably so. Plus, an ex who does this will have a tough time saying they didn’t mean those things because they might have truly meant it. This may even point to a toxic person. Learn more through another video we made called “10 Things Toxic People Say.”
7. They have no interest in fixing the faults of the relationship.
Your relationship ended for a reason, and if that reason came from you and your ex’s behaviors, the only way to get back together successfully is by addressing those issues. I assume you have brought it up already, but if you haven’t, it’s something that you will likely say to them after the breakup if you two are still talking. When your ex dismisses your concerns or suggestions to try and fix things, though, it doesn’t appear that they are very interested in coming back.
8. They wish you the best and genuinely hope you’re happy without them.
Oh, the mature yet painful permanent goodbye. Whether you’ve had a mature relationship or not, when one partner reaches the maturity level of wishing the other well, you can say goodbye to any chance of getting back together. Maybe you run into them in public or you shoot them a message and they respond with this gem: “I wish you the best.” It’s hard to know when this is 100% genuine, and when the person is just trying to be put together, but this is saying hasta la vista. This partner has accepted that the relationship is over, reflected on what they got out of it and what they learned, and is taking a step forward to the next part of their life, whatever that may be.
Conclusion:
Your ex doesn’t have to meet more than one or two of these eight signs to show they may not be coming back. Of course, every relationship is unique, but I don’t want you to get your hopes up or wait on someone who doesn’t know your value. I do believe everything happens for a reason and I know that the best is yet to come for you.