Whether you’re a money maker, a hard-time hustler, or just trying to get by, your cash is your cash. You work hard for your income and you are entitled to spend it however you want, but never via manipulation or guilt. If you’ve been dating a guy or just hanging with one recently who might be after what’s in your pocket, I’ve got your back. It’s time to sift through these 11 signs he’s using you for your money so you can determine if he’s doing wrong and, if so, kick him to the curb. Let’s find out his true intentions.
1. He’s always at your home but isn’t on the lease.
There is a type of man who uses you for money specifically by using you for housing – which, by the way, is also the largest expense for most people. This is someone who uses or dates someone for their home. They may or may not have a place themselves, but if they do, it’s probably with their parents or roommates, so they spend too many overnights at their boyfriend or girlfriend’s house to enjoy the luxuries of a place they can’t afford. These guys are easily camouflaged as attentive and caring partners who just want to spend a lot of time with you. What they forget to mention is how much of your electricity, water, groceries, and rent they will use but not pay for.
Check out: 10 Signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you
2. He only reaches out when he needs financial help.
If this dude only seems to be sweet, suck up, or talk to you when he needs help with something related to money, this is a sure sign that he’s using you for your bank account. If you want to test if this guy is legit or just in it for the money, I also suggest checking out our other video, “How Do You Test If a Guy Likes You?”
Now, one of my good friends – who I will call Dana, or else she’ll kill me for putting her on blast – is not only dating a guy who stays over constantly but doesn’t pay the bills but also a dude who somehow gets her to pay for his mistakes, quite literally. Their relationship started with a series of him reaching out to her when he needed help with his car trouble, late creditor payments, and the like. Come on, Dana… I hope you’re watching this.
3. He’s always throwing himself financial pity parties.
If every time you see this guy he is complaining about money, crying over some unexpected bill, or saying woe is me because he doesn’t make enough, then he might be playing his tiny violin to manipulate you. Either that or he’s an insanely negative Nancy who will drain the energy out of you in a short time. These pity parties have a twofold purpose; either to suck people into playing the hero and helping them out financially or to justify them mooching off others.
4. He never offers to pay – for anything.
Most traditional financial roles have shifted over the last century. While men paying for the date is always appreciated, women are empowered to pay for themselves or guys as well. The key is balance, whether that means you and this guy take turns covering the bill or if you pick up a few when he’s short on cash and vice versa – the keywords being “and vice versa” here. There’s nothing wrong with helping out someone you care about when they’re tight financially. Generosity has actually been shown to increase feelings of happiness and connectedness between the giver and the receiver. The problem ensues when the receiver begins to expect the giving, especially with no end date in sight.
5. He “forgets” to pay you back.
Lots of people are forgetful. My brother is a great example. He could owe me 50 bucks from a joint gift we bought our parents and literally forget about it for the rest of his life, but I know that the moment I text him a reminder, he’ll feel embarrassed and pay me back as soon as possible. He’s forgetful, but he’s not a moocher. A sign that a guy is using you for your cash is when he always forgets, even when you conveniently remind him multiple times of the debt he owes. The same guy is probably someone who pays bills late or not at all.
Check out: Why does he keep me around if he doesn’t want a relationship
6. He gets defensive when you ask about money.
I’m not going to lie; money is a sensitive subject for a lot of people. For whatever reason, it’s almost become taboo to talk about things like income and debt. That’s something that I really hope changes over the years so that more people can become financially healthy, but that’s a topic for another day. Anyway, there’s a difference between getting uncomfortable around money and getting defensive.
A sign that a guy’s using you for money is when he starts getting angry, cuts you off, or even insults you about the topic of money. You might bring up his financial jams, income issues, or overall financial instability and find yourself suddenly attacked by him instead. Of course, you should only bring these subjects up in a sensitive way, in case he really isn’t using you and it’s just a tight spot, but either way, his reaction will shed a lot of light on how he’s dealing with his money problems.
7. He shows no initiative to get his finances on track.
This guy is throwing himself a pity party, spending like there’s no tomorrow with nothing in the bank, and always expecting you to treat him to things. The least he could do is have some sort of plan to repay you or get himself on track in the near future. If not, he is just a live-life-by-the-day kind of guy, which is almost a full-proof plan for disaster… financial disaster, that is. You can always suggest helping him make a budget, but if he profusely refuses, you may have to take a step back to be clear that what is yours is not his.
8. He pressures you to help him out with bills or gifts.
Another type of guy that takes advantage of your money is a bit more subtle. He’s the one who may pay for things on occasion. Then, he somehow makes you think that it’s actually your financial responsibility. For example, he may have treated you to some fast food one day, and then you guys go out to a fancy restaurant the following week so he insinuates that it’s your turn to pay. This type of pressure can easily add up to hundreds or even thousands of dollars in difference.
9. He’s a financial opportunist.
A financial opportunist or an opportunist of any kind is somebody who looks for an advantage or a window to benefit themselves. Being opportunistic can be helpful in some situations, but financial opportunists can go one of two ways. One is that they become a very business savvy entrepreneur. Good for you. But the other is that they take advantage of people, whether it be by legally stealing from uninformed individuals or using some sort of manipulation tactic to get cash or assets from you. If you’re in a moment of weakness and this person is suddenly your best friend but requires some sort of financial component, he’s a financial opportunist.
10. He makes you feel guilty for spending – if it’s not on him.
You really spent that much on a new outfit? You’re going on another vacation? How dare you spend your hard-earned money the way that you want?! This guy will use guilt tactics to make you feel as though you should be spending more on him instead of on yourself. Remember, my friend Dana? Well, her user boyfriend actually convinced her to cancel a vacation she had planned with another friend of ours and instead take him for a weeklong getaway to the beach. She didn’t tell us this, of course, and used some other nonsense excuse, but how ironic that they posted vacation photos the same week she was supposed to be on the girls’ trip. Shaking my head at you, Dana.
11. He constantly asks you for financial favors.
Could I borrow 20 bucks? Could you spot me this time? Do you mind helping me out? A guy who is constantly asking you for financial favors may make it seem temporary, but it’s probably not. And if it is, he’s probably temporary too and will peace out as soon as the favor machine runs dry.
Check out: How to know if a guy is using you or likes you
Conclusion:
Being used for your money is a pretty crappy situation, but it says a lot more about the other person than it does about you. Put your foot down and set some strict boundaries to make sure that he knows where you stand. If this video helps you do that, don’t forget to like and subscribe. Now, spend only as you want to, from both the rational and emotional perspective, and never be manipulated into spending on something that doesn’t feel right.