Dating is… a lot. Emotions are up and down, people act a certain way one day and differently the next, and you’re constantly second-guessing what’s happening. I wouldn’t blame you for feeling a bit lost in it all. So, how do you know if you’re really into this person for the long haul or if you’re just interested in them for the moment? Well, we can start by looking for these 10 signs you’re confused about a guy.
1. You seek validation from others.
Asking for advice is helpful. Heck, sometimes it’s the smartest thing to do when you’re unsure about a big decision! Advice and validation are two different things, though. Advice helps you see options you may not have considered, opening your eyes to all of the possible outcomes and which may be best for you. You’re unsure of where to go and what options are out there, so you get insight as to what’s best. Validation, on the other hand, shows that you doubt your decisions. You’ve done or are doing something that you are unsure about so you need someone else to give you the vote of confidence you can’t give yourself.
I used to do this a lot with a relationship I was always on the fence about. I cared a lot for the guy but we just didn’t mesh in a lot of ways, so I found myself calling friends or even asking my mom for validation when the going got tough. Do you find yourself consistently asking others whether you should stay with this person or whether they are as great as they seem? If you have to ask, they may not be meant for you.
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2. Your behavior towards him is inconsistent.
As Katy Perry once said, you’re hot then you’re cold, you’re yes then you’re no. You text a bunch one day and fall off the next. You make awesome plans on Monday and cancel them on Tuesday. Blame it on your schedule, your mood, your job, or the morning traffic, but the bottom line is that you’re inconsistent with this guy because you’re confused about your feelings toward him.
3. You’re uncertain about future plans with him.
If you have a big vacation coming up or a milestone like a graduation, move, or birthday and still haven’t invited this guy to participate in the plans or decision, ask yourself why that is. When you want to date someone, you should be excited to add them into your life – especially into the fun parts! If you feel uncertain about inviting them along or including them in future plans, it means you don’t think they’ll add to your experiences as much as they may take away from them. Maybe some character traits are clashing here, or maybe you just aren’t ready to give up your single life just yet… for them, anyway.
4. You compare your relationship or him to others.
Let me preface this by saying that it’s totally normal to compare relationships, even subconsciously. It’s human nature to compare new experiences to past ones because this is where our frame of reference comes from. After all, you can appreciate the good much more if you know what bad entails. Perhaps you even compare him to the qualities we talk about in another recent video, “What a Woman Wants in a Man.” A little comparison is normal, but it isn’t normal to consistently put this guy down because he doesn’t meet the standards of another relationship you see or had. If this is happening, he simply doesn’t match up to what you’re looking for, which is ok – now you just have to accept it, cut it off, and move along. With grace and kindness, of course!
5. You have mixed emotions about him but not about other things in your life.
If you tend to teeter-totter about a lot of things in life, it isn’t surprising when you do the same with relationships. You may be an indecisive person or are still learning about yourself and growing. The sign that you’re confused about a guy comes when you are stable and consistent about all other things in your life, minus this fellow. This may point to the fact that he simply doesn’t fit into your life, and if you’re not willing to make any changes to let him fit in, he will need to find another girl to mesh lives with.
6. You two have conflicting priorities.
He parties and you don’t. He’s a work-oriented entrepreneur and you believe in savoring the moment. He wants kids, you don’t, or vice versa, or any other conflicting preference, priority, or plan. These things are hard to work through, especially at the beginning when things are supposed to be at the easiest stage. Conflicts will cause confusion and, naturally, some doubt and reflection on whether the relationship is meant to be.
7. You find yourself avoiding him or procrastinating things that involve him.
Maybe this guy has come up with some fun ideas for things to do together which you would normally jump at the chance to do, but for some reason, you keep putting it off or finding other priorities that get in the way. The truth is that we make time for what’s important to us, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. If you find yourself avoiding places where this guy is or procrastinating plans together, your problem isn’t in your schedule – it’s in your feelings for him.
8. You’re experiencing inner angst.
We all have this little voice inside of us that points us in the right direction, known as our gut, intuition, or even the universe. If you feel uneasy, anxious, or a general tightness in your chest or stomach when you think about being with this person, you need to explore that further to pinpoint why that is. If it’s not solvable, it may be time to pull the plug.
9. One day you’re attracted to him the next moment you’re not.
I’ll always remember the day I met Davey B. We were out with friends and were introduced to a big group of people, and there he was. He was handsome, he was elegant, and he seemed fun. The next week I saw this group again for a group lunch. There was Davey B. He was quiet, we didn’t have much to talk about, and for some reason, I didn’t see him as the attractive individual I had just met six days before. The strange phenomenon happened on and off for a few weeks until I finally decided that Davey B. was not for me. My emotional and physical confusion proved it.
10. The idea of exclusively dating him for a long time makes you anxious.
If you do it right, exclusively dating someone is a pretty big commitment. You’re dedicated to them and only them, make them a top priority in your day-to-day life, and even plan your future around them. Does the thought of doing this with this guy make your stomach churn? You may not know why that is, but it comes from a place of emotional confusion that shouldn’t be the norm.
Check out: How do you test if a guy likes you
Conclusion:
There are many signs that you’re confused about how you feel about a guy, and some of them overlap with general feelings about relationships that you may need to deal with. No matter the case, be sure to explore your feelings fully and give the guy the benefit of the doubt until you conclusively decide that you do or do not like him. For his sake and yours, I hope you decide sooner rather than later to ensure no one is wasting their time. I believe you’ll make the right decision!