Is there something sketchy going on with your girl’s behavior? Is it impossible to shake the feeling that she’s in the relationship but not actually in love with you? These hunches are discomforting and worth exploring. This video will break down 10 signs she’s pretending to love you so we can put your unsettling gut feelings to rest – or the relationship to rest!
1. She puts off planning the bigger picture with you.
The bigger picture entails everything from where you two want to live to when you’d like to get engaged. If you’re younger or newer to the relationship, it may take a while to start talking about these serious topics, so you can also count six months or one year ahead as the bigger picture. Most couples will reach a new milestone in their relationship, especially after a year of dating. This could be a promotion or job change that encourages one partner to relocate, moving in together, or simply planing a couple’s vacation. If your girlfriend avoids planning things with you that are months or even years into the future, there are two possible reasons for her behavior. One is that she’s just not a planner and gets overwhelmed by the future, and the second is that she doesn’t foresee you in her future so she doesn’t want to waste her time and plan things that will never be.
Check out: What are the red flags in a relationship?
2. Her family has no interest in getting to know you better.
Families – especially parents – have a secret sensor that alerts them when a relative is dating seriously or just dating for the moment. They may have a hunch that their child or sibling isn’t fully invested with you or, perhaps more directly, this girl has mentioned she’s unsure about you to her family. Either way, you aren’t receiving tons of invites to family functions and, if you do, the family isn’t very interested in you, your future, or your relationship for that matter. Do note that some families are just colder than others, though, so this one sign isn’t a tell-all for your girlfriend’s feelings toward you. It’s worth discussing with her and getting her two cents on the situation and getting more information on whether it’s really an issue or not.
3. She’s disinterested in your well-being.
Do you get the feeling that you could walk out of the door without saying a word and this girl wouldn’t bat an eye? Could you end up in the hospital just for her to say “Dang, that sucks?” Ok, maybe it’s not that bad, but you do sense some indifference going on. One of the core pillars of a successful relationship is caring for one another, so if you don’t get this from your partner, something is off – even more so if she used to be caring and the sentiment has since disappeared. When the affection goes away, a person is likely already toying with the idea of ending the relationship and begins to distance themselves as the end nears.
4. She doesn’t care if you clash on important issues.
I once heard someone say that the only reason someone would argue is because they care enough, and I have to say that I agree. If I argue with my boyfriend regarding differences in our lifestyles or goals, it’s because I worry that they don’t mesh enough for us to push through the challenges and years life throws our way. If I just shrug it off, though, I’m either naïve or don’t care enough because he may not be a part of my future anyway. Think of this as someone who has given up on the prospects of a happy future together. Her constant thought is, “Whatever, it doesn’t matter anyway.” This sign doesn’t automatically point to a bad girl or girlfriend, though. If you guys have had your differences for a while yet your arguments never end conclusively or positively, maybe her thinking is spot-on.
5. She spends more time with her friends than with you.
I’ll be the first to talk about how important it is to maintain your friendships regardless of your relationship status. After all, your friends were there for you before your significant other, and chances are that they’ll be there even if your relationship doesn’t work out. That being said, you should hang out with your friends and she should hang with hers, but not at the expense of the relationship. It’s all about balance. Does she ditch you to hang with her friends for a not-so-special occasion? Would she rather see a movie, have lunch, or spend the day with a friend instead of you, even if you haven’t spent alone time together in ages? It sounds like she is putting you on the back burner and seeking support from others in her life instead. By the way, if the friend she’s spending time with is male, you have more to be worried about than just her schedule.
6. Her affection is inconsistent or depends on what you give her.
Inconsistent affection either means she acts out love depending on her mood of the day or she only feels close to you when you give her something she wants – two things you’d rather not have in a relationship. This is a sign for those who may be dating a gold digger or an opportunist. We recently made another video called “11 Signs He’s Using You for Money” that can also be applied to a female in a relationship, so check it out if you think she may only be around for your resources. Other signs that she’s using you like this are if you pay most of the bills, take her out a lot to nice places or on vacation, or fund things like her schooling or car payments.
Speaking of affection, I could use a little myself. Do you mind giving this video a thumbs up and subscribing to show me some love? You know I appreciate it!
7. The intimacy is dwindling.
When was the last time you guys had a good make-out session? What about holding hands in public? Pecking across the table at a romantic date? Cuddling? If you feel like these occurrences are few and far between or can’t even remember the last time you did them altogether, it sounds like intimacy is dwindling in your relationship. The only difference between friends and a relationship is physical intimacy, so if she’s taking it off the table, she may subconsciously be telling you that she no longer loves you in that way.
8. She shies away from talking about your feelings for one another.
If many of these signs seem uncomfortably familiar, you may have brought up your concerns with this girl in the past. Maybe you even straight-up asked her if she still loved you. Chances are she said yes – even if that wasn’t the truth – because she doesn’t sound ready to cut the cord just yet. A girl who doesn’t love you but is on the fence about your future together will avoid talking about her feelings until she works them out on her own. She is mulling over the situation and reflecting on your past, present, and potential future, and likely won’t be open to a discussion with you until she’s cleared her thoughts and knows what she wants to say. If you’re really lucky and you’re with a super mature woman, she may work through this with you. If that’s the case, stay calm, think through things as objectively as possible, and be grateful she is open to a discussion.
9. She’s become secretive.
Secret secrets are no fun, secret secrets hurt someone. The childish saying rings true. Unless she’s sneaking around to plan you an awesome surprise birthday party, secretive activities point to something bad when it comes to love. Examples we see often are when a girl hides her phone or messages, disappears for hours at a time with a vague excuse, doesn’t answer calls during these escapades, tells white lies, or hides information.
10. She avoids introducing you to new people.
Introducing people to your significant other is a bit of a big deal. You’re hoping they get along because the idea is to integrate them into your social circle for a long time to come. When the girl you love starts avoiding these introductions, you can’t help but wonder if it’s because she doesn’t think you’ll be around for much longer. If she recently met new friends or started a new job and avoids having you show up around these people, she may be setting the stage for her future single life without you.
Check out: 10 Signs she doesn’t like you
Conclusion:
Whether you were crazy in love and it fizzled out or you’re doubting her feelings from the get-go, it’s important to get to the bottom of this dilemma as soon as possible. Pinpoint what you need from the relationship to feel loved and discuss it with her if possible, and then take it from there. Everything will work out for the best!